Latest health update and preparing for my orals

Health update:

The Dr.'s appointment at the beginning of January went well. Dr. Dameck has me working my way off of steroids VERY slowly, half a mg a week which is totally fine with me coming off of it so slowly. I have a lot going on over the next month and I want to make sure I have the energy to do it all along with making sure I don't have any relapses in headaches. If the headaches come it just knocks me out and then it is hard for me to concentrate and get anything done.

My next MRI, doctors appointment and infusion is scheduled for the 1st of February.

My infusions are going well. Ingrid is my all time favorite infusionista! I always ask for her when I come in. She can get my veins the very first time by using her floating technique. She is probably close to me in age and is from Montana we always just spend some time chatting about life. She is so sweet! All of the people in the infusion center are great. They make it a point to know you and do anything they can to help you out. I am so encouraged by them every time I go in.

Things with insurance is finally getting all worked out!!! The insurance company now has my claim form and as for this next semester I am all signed up for I got my referrals in and my claim form is signed!

Orals:

I'm getting kinda stressed over orals. I'm not quite done with my paper or presentation but am getting awfully close. It needs to be done though! I need to start practicing my talk and making sure I know the things I need to know when they drill me for two and a half hours with questions :/ I think the question part of it is what is freaking me out the most. I can handle the paper and presentation I am just to the point in those areas of having to do my least favorite part of it so it is hard to stay focused on it and keep from getting frustrated when it isn't coming along so well. Also I know that I can be a perfectionist and so every time I go through my paper and presentation I know there is so much more I could add but I really should have someone else look at it. There is just so much I feel like I need to know before I do my orals that it gets over whelming and I don't know how I'm going to every get it all done. But some how I will and if I fail I still have another chance to do them again.

Other things in life:

The more stressed out I get it seems the more time I spend with God. I am currently reading the Bible through in a year and I treasure this time with God. The past few days have been about Joseph in Egypt. It is amazing how God used Josephs brothers jealousy to bring about their salvation and it reminds me that although I am going through this difficult time how God can use it for his purposes. Also how Joseph was put in jail for a 'crime' he didn't commit. I don't know what those purposes are but I desire to be His instrument even if it means through even tougher situations. I know that there will be seasons in my life that will be more difficult than the ones I am enduring now, there is so much left for Him to teach me about so many different things in life. I want Him to ever be molding and changing my heart to be more like His and that is not going to be an easy process.

My house is clean! I was accepted for cleaning for a reason. It is a volunteer service given to women with cancer. What happens is a cleaning company volunteers their services and comes in and cleans your house for you once a month for a specified amount of time. I hate to admit this but since I have lived in my house I have not vacuumed the downstairs part of my house. I have been able to keep the main area fairly clean and I keep the downstairs clean but as for doing the things I would normally do every week (vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom etc) it just does not get done on a regular basis ever and there just didn't seem like there was going to be a time in the near or even not so near future that it was going to be happening. So I finally broke down and applied for the service and let me tell you, it is so so so so SO nice to have a clean house!!!

Christmas Highlights

*Seeing our cousin Chrystal and her new daughter Laiken (3 months old)

*Having my family see me “break down”. I had worked myself too hard that day so I was up in my room resting and crying because there was so much I felt I needed to do and was so frustrated that I couldn’t do everything and was letting everyone down. So I made them all surround me and give me a hug.

*Having a picnic style Christmas Eve dinner in my room so that I could continue resting before we started opening presents.

*Making Michael work for his call of duty game. We set up a mission for him by coming up with clues leading him to different places around the house where he had to scout out the army base and destroy it using my nephews little army men and a Nerf gun. Once he found the camp and destroyed it the clues to the next base were written on the bottom of the army men.

*Playing bingo with my nephews.

*Possibly having a new tradition of eating breakfast at mom’s on Christmas morning.

*Christmas at grandmas with the whole family!

*Seeing Tracy and Emma

*Playing games with mom, grandma and dad most mornings. Mom actually beat me at skip-bo and rummikub

*Seeing everyone at church both Strafford and Fair Grove

*Having dinner with Brenda, Ally and Megan the family Laura and I used to babysit/nanny for. They have grown up so much!!

*Seeing my friend Amanda, a friend from back in middle school, and her absolutely adorable pregnant self!

*Seeing Andrews new house and getting to spend some time chatting with him.

*Family game night. I am horribly bad at French charades….

*Chronicles of Narnia The Voyage of the Dawn Treader in my opinion the absolute best so far. I love how open they were about God. I was crying by the end of it.

*Going to the DAV with Dad. I had never seen him leave church so fast after service.

*Steak-n-Shake, Andy’s, Mud House and cashew chicken.

*Getting family portraits taken.

*Getting to see Rebecca my friend from church starting in middle school.

*Getting to see Sarah, a friend from college who now lives along our route from Colorado to Missouri.

*Getting to see Aunt Toni and cousin Sarah and her two kids.

*Surprising Wayland and Millie, part of our adopted family, at the church where Wayland preaches.

All in all it was a great trip. It had its ups and downs and times where we argued and cried and misunderstood each other and got stressed. But we are family and we love each other and I feel so blessed to have been able to have as much time with everyone as I did!

What I found out!

It turns out that the insurance company still has not received my claim form for the year. I am on my way into school to resign the form and have it sent to the insurance. Things should be covered once that all goes through!!

Bills

My insurance is through CSU and I'm pretty sure it is the only insurance that I could have right now that would cover everything. I'm not exactly sure what is going on with it right now but I'm praying everything works out.

Awhile back I got a call from the CSU insurance asking me if I was still interested in having insurance for this fall, turns out that I had forgotten to sign up for any classes and since I had no classes I was not a student and therefore would not qualify for insurance. I immediately went about getting my late registration worked out! I signed up for classes and as far as I know was signed up for having the student insurance.

Soon I received some bills from the hospital saying that my insurance denied my claim and that I would be responsible for the charges. I called the insurance office and they informed me that there was a form that I needed to come in to fill out and sign. It was the same form I had completed a year ago but turns out you have to do it every year. It has been signed! I called the hospital billing and requested they resubmit the claim to the insurance company.

Well I have once again received some very substantial bills and it seems as if my insurance has still not recognized me. This makes me very nervous considering all that has happened this semester with me forgetting to sign up for classes and then the signing of a specific form. I am hoping and praying that everything went through fine.

Please be praying for this situation and that everything can be worked out soon. Once I get through with all the calls I am going to be needing to make I am hoping to know that I have done all of the necessary things to ensure that my insurance has been completely set up this whole semester. If it was not set up properly and/or I did not get everything done in time it might be possible that I will no longer be able to have insurance through CSU that will cover my treatments that I have had done thus far along with anything else in the future.

I know that God has blessed me in so many ways already and one of these has been monitarily. Because CSU did not have adequate pharmaceutical coverage I was able to apply for a perscription drug benefits program and my chemotherapy was given to me free of charge through the drug company. I was also awarded a two year grant from the national science foundation for the research I am doing that has paid for my student fees. I know that God is in control and will provide He has shown me His handiwork in my life on so many ocassions already and that He goes beyond what I can ever imagine He will. I know that no matter what happens that they will not deny me the treatments that I need.

Matthew 6:25-26

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear, is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Missouri

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE IN MISSOURI WITH FAMILY!!! IT'S SO HARD TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN BEING HOME!!! I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling defeated

I'm feeling slightly defeated right now. My spirit is low. I'm just letting too many small things get to me and I really should not be.

Lost my phone in my car, my car is not dirty but I can't find it anywhere in there and I only made one stop and couldn't find it there.

Being without my phone is hard. Every night while laying in bed I read several applications on my phone, devotionals, verses, and a read plan. It's the way I wind down my day.

Went to the store to pick up a couple of things and was disappointed to find they were all out so I had to settle for something else.

Everywhere I went today seemed to have a long slow line.

I have to be at a meeting at 7:30 in the morning with some people in Slovenia and since I lost my phone I had to run to Wal=Mart to buy an alarm clock to make sure I get up in time. Being up and ready to face my day by 7:30 tomorrow seems dismal since I'm usually not ready to get out of bed until 8:00 most mornings.

I need new glasses, my lenses keep popping out at least a couple times a week but i don't want to purchase new glasses with my steroid cheeks. And my vision just doesn't seem right, I'm not sure if it's a prescription issue or if it is an issue with the brain cancer/

Plus the whole weight gain with the steroid thing does not make me happy,

I also have been using my phone as my calendar so it had all of my appointments in it so now I'm not sure what all is going on this week or what time everything is :( You just have to have a back up of everything! I have my paper daily planner but had not put everything into it. We just need a back up of everything.

To make things worse my skin feels ouchy, I'm not sure what it is but it's very tender to clothes being on it and I have to wear clothes. I'm good about putting lotion on so I don't think it's dry skin. I have however "switched" laundry detergents .... same brand but different scent maybe.

On a brighter note:

I did go on a walk today which felt good

I got to spend some time my friend Emily who moved California

I'm listening to JJ Heller cause I like her peaceful sound and hoping it calms my anxiousness

Family and Thanksgiving

I was so excited that my little sister was able to to come up to Colorado for Thanksgiving!!! She got in on Friday night but we didn't get to see each other until Saturday evening. We had both made each other paper chains to count down the number of days until we saw each other. Laura , stephanie and I met up at The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner. They had a man there that was making balloon sculptures and he made is crazy hats and rings. He was so sweet he made my day and made me a sweet pea balloon to match my personality. We also went to The Cheesecake Factory and shared the red velvet cheesecake mmmmm.

Sunday wasn't good for me :( I woke up with a massive headache and was throwing up which was not fun. I really wanted to be able to take my little sister to visit my family at church with me to see my second family. But alas we spent the day with me laying on the couch and watching movies together.

Monday we went to see Harry Potter and I took her to go see Rhett at Action Potential in Loveland. For anyone that needs any kind of physical therapy you should see him!! He is absolutely amazing!! Go check out his website!

http://www.one80pt.com/

Tuesday we just hung out and did some Christmas shopping and crafts. Wednesday we got to have brunch with Kalla Paige and then went to my infusion. I think it was good for Stephanie to see what all I have to during my appointments and infusion. That night we got to go to church with Laura and the whole church community spoke about some of the things they were thsnkful for. We then got to have LOTS of yummy pie after services were over.

Thursday wasn't so hot. Part of it might have been because I waited so long to eat. We didn't have any food until 3:00 that afternoon. It was great getting to be with two of my sisters and my cousin elliot for Thanksgiving. The most immediate family members I have been with for several years. I am so thankful for the Smiths and how much they have done for us and opened their homes to us so it was kinda sad not being with them this year. But being with my family was great. I however had a bad day and ended up taking three naps that day. I don't like headaches :( The food and company were great though and I am so thankful that they opened up their home and hearts to us.

Laura went out black Friday shopping. I had no real desire to, but I still reaped the benefits. Laura picked up The Blind Side for me for $4!!! She's so sweet! We then went to see the movie Inception, I hadn't heard about it but it was surprisingly good!!! It's one of those movies that constantly keeps your mind engaged. That night we got to eat at Joe's Crab Shack mmmmm nums nums!

Saturday I was feeling really good!! Laura, Stephanie and I went to Goodwill to try on some ridiculous outfits. A good time was had by all! Saturday Stephanie had to go back to Harding. We were sad she had to leave but were all encouraged by the fact that we would see her within another month.