Not feeling like myself

I've been finding it difficult to get back into the swing of things lately. I just don't feel like myself. I'm not sure if it is due to the steroids or the inflammation from the cancer. I'm just not as happy as I usually am. I'm finding it hard to find joy in things. It also seems like I am just going through the motions of life and not really living.

I'm trying my best to get into a routine of things. I've been getting up in the morning drinking my noni and then eating my breakfast while I do my Bible study for the day and then go on a walk. It's been a great way to start my day.

Work on the other hand is harder to get into than I would like it to be. Although I am going into my 4th year of graduate school I feel like I am just beginning to work on my PhD. I've been gone all summer long and haven't been focusing on much of anything regarding work. There are things that I know I can do but it feels so repetitive since I have done these studies before. I know they are necessary tests and I just need to get over it and do it! I'm just ready to be making progress.

I am trying my best to do a natural form of treatment but there are so many different treatment options out there with no clinical trials. Lots of the things out there I have never even heard of. It feels overwhelming because there are an infinite number of possible natural treatments out there and I can't do all of them. I want to do the ones that are going to do help me the most but I have no clue which ones those are. I know that in the end God is the one who heals me and that He can use any means possible whether natural or through the doctors or even if I decide to stop all kind of treatments.

I have my second infusion today!

Not so great news

Since the last blog:

*Underwent round 11 of chemo. Was so excited about being so close to being done.

*I had been having headaches off and on usually in the morning when I first woke up. Also the headaches would make me physically sick at times. I could be fine one day and then sick the next. I was thinking that there could be something off with my shunt. I called my doctor and she had me come in for a brain MRI at 8:00 in the morning, yuck! When I got to visit my oncologist later that morning she had me do a lot of different things that she doesn't normally do.

We then got to look at the MRI and the MRI did not show nice results. I found out that the shunt was working properly however I also found out that the cancer was coming back in certain regions. Turns out that the chemotherapy that I had been using is working fine however it is carried by the blood and there are certain regions in the brain that are not well supplied by the blood and these are the regions that are having tumor growth (leptomeningal spread). In particular the surface of the brain along with the central region of the brain. I fell to my knees when I found out about this but one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was "well I guess I'm just gonna get to see Jesus earlier than I thought". The doctor told me she wanted to start me on a different kind of treatment, this time a biological agent done through infusion once every two weeks. She couldn't give me a definite time of treatment. It could be 4 months it could be 8 months, it all depends on how well my body responds to it. I needed some good news so I asked if I was going to lose my hair again and she said NO! She said the main side effects are fatigue and having a hoarse voice.

She needed to run more tests and make sure that the cancer wasnt returning anywhere else so my sister Laura and I stayed in Denver and ate and went to the denver museum of science and nature. We saw an imax film and it wasn't very imaxy like I remember the imax movies to be. This one was more of a documentary. We then headed back to the hospital for an MRI of the rest of my spine. We then got to stay at my friend Kalla Paige's house. It was so good to see her!!!! She is such a sweetie she made us dinner and made me oreo balls :D

Thursday I came back in to get a lumbar puncture but they couldn't get enough fluid to be able to monitor how well I'm doing with treatment through those means. Dr. Dameck said this is typical for people with shunts. Good thing was that there was nothing they saw in the MRI's that would keep me from giong home.

Friday evening I flew home. Igot in at midnight and was greeted by my dad and little sister Steph who started crying pretty much as soon as we started hugging. I love that girl! When we got outside of the airport my mom was waiting in the car with ANDY'S!!! A strawberry and oreo vanilla concrete :D

Saturday-Tuesday I tried to spend as much time with family as possible.

Saturday evening we had an icecream party at my cousin Erin's house and the family all sat around visiting with eachother and playing games. They have a small indoor basketball hoop for their daughter Avery and so the boys and myself decided to play a game of horse. I could have totally beat them if I could have made the random must be flexible shots that I attempted.

Sunday I went to church at Strafford and then Sunday night went to church in Fair Grove with my grandma. It was just so great to see my original church family again even though there were a few people who I missed out on seeing. It was quite the surprise to some of them that I was there and it was tearful but all in all I love those people and I am so thankful for all the prayers and support they have given me through the years!

Monday I went into Springfield to get a chance to see my new second cousin Lillian Belle who was 7 lbs and 21 inches. Such a beautiful little girl and numerous joyous family members there waiting to greet her.

Tuesday Stephanie left for Harding. I think she cried a little bit more than she was expecting to but in the end I'm sure she will be fine. And I'm going to have to do my best to send her packages! Maybe Laura and I can work out a system. After Mom, Steph and Michael left Dad, Grandma and myself went back into Springfield since yesterday we had not gotten the opportunity to see Amber or get to hold little Lillian.

When I arrived in Denver Kassidy and her brother picked me up and we proceeded over to the hospital for my first infusion of bevacizumab or avastin. My sister Laura and my friend Tim showed up also to sit with me. The infusion wasn't so bad, the worst part was them having to find my and actually getting it to work on the first try. The infusion was done in about 30 minutes and then I was free to go. No anti-nauseas necessary. I did feel tired later but not too bad.

Wednesday I was a little more tired than usual throughout the day but by the time church came around I was feeling quite well! Here's praying for more good days!

Hawaii

I apologize for it taking me so long to finally update this and I also apologize for the extreme length of this. But to my defense I’ve been on vacation and there is just so much to talk about!!

Oahu’

Day 1
On the 15th of July my friend Lindsey and I went to Hawaii for vacation. It was originally suppose to be a treat to myself for finishing up 2nd year graduate school qualifications (my orals/preliminary defense), however God had other plans for me and I ended up being out of commission for a couple of months due to the hydrocephalus and recovering from the surgery. We got up super early that morning to make it to our 8 am flight, neither Lindsey nor myself were able to get much sleep the night before I think we probably each got no more than 3 hours. When we got to the Denver airport our flight had been delayed and the flight that was scheduled to leave at 6 that morning still had not left. We were able to jump onto the 6:10 flight and it ended up leaving a little bit after our 8 am flight was suppose to leave. While waiting in the terminal we met a woman (Whitney) and her two adorable children Obsidian and Cambria. She had been scheduled to be on the 6 am flight and had found herself a corner for her and her children to be able to move around. We were able to help her out by watching her children for her while she went to the restroom and we also helped her get all of their stuff onto the plane. When we were on the plane to LAX there were a couple of little girls in front of us who were getting very wiggly and so I got my phone out and we played what color is this and we would draw pictures on the phone and have them figure out what the image was.
On our way from LAX to HNL we sat next to a woman, Nicole, who was just a little older than us. She was on her way to Honolulu on vacation by herself. We had such a fun time with her, we all had our head phones plugged into the seat and would tell each other what station we were listening to that had the best songs on it. We would turn to it and would start singing along and dancing to it! It was just incredibly fun! Before we left we got her contact information so we could get a hold of her before she left. I also played the halfway to Hawaii game, they gave you the speed at which you were traveling and told you the how strong the head wind or tail wind was, I was off by 1 minute and 14 seconds.

When we finally got to Hawaii my friend Austin picked us up and we went back to his house and rested for a little bit. After our short naps we went off to Waikiki to go to the beach and to have dinner. The first “new” things we saw were the Banyan trees and we learned that in some way they are interconnected, where the limbs of one tree goes down into the ground creating roots for another tree to form in another area on the island. It reminded me of how God works in all our lives and how in some ways we are all connected to the overall great story and plan that God has for each of us. The view at the beach was so absolutely magnificent. Lindsey and my self were in complete awe of God’s beautiful creation. The ocean was so gorgeous and the progression of the blue tints of colors was so amazing to look upon. The white sand was so soft and cool where the tide was coming in. We would stand there and as the waves rushed upon the shore our feet would slowly start sinking into the sand. With each crashing wave our feet were further enveloped by the cool wet sand. While we were walking along side the shoreline we were moved to sing various songs. The first one that came to my mind, which was one of my favorites as a child, was Have you seen Jesus my Lord and the verse have you ever stood at the ocean with the white foam at your feet. I felt God’s presence with us and I gave such thanks to Him for allowing us to view this part of His beautiful creation.

Day 2
We got to take a tour of Oahu’ with Austin as our personal tour guide. We were able to visit a couple of beaches we didn’t get into the water but we stood along the shore line and the tide pools staring into God’s vast ocean He had placed in front of us, watching the waves crash upon the rocks spraying white foam into the air. We made a stop at the Macadamia nut farm and got to try various flavors of macadamia nuts that had been grown on that very farm. We also got to try their macadamia nut Kona coffee and my goodness it was yummy and thanks to Austin I now have my own 100% Kona coffee to enjoy whenever I feel like it. We continued our journey and visited a beach where you could see the island referred to as China mans’ hat. At this beach we found this tiny little crab that completely blended in with his surrounds. We only saw him because we noticed him moving. How great a blessing to have gotten to see this little creature. We went to Hono bay which is a beach where the turtles often lay their eggs. We were able to get to see a large turtle just chilling out in the tide. Turtles are just so beautiful and majestic we were so thankful for this creature that God allowed us to see that day. We also went to the Dole plantation. Lindsey had no clue what Dole was it was really funny for her to finally get it when we got there and she saw the symbol, it all came rushing back to her then. Of course the first thing we did was to get some Dole whip which is pineapple ice cream, it was so very yummy! I learned something new, I had absolutely no clue that pineapples grew up from the ground. I thought they grew on trees. How creative God is! The pineapple is such an interestingly shaped fruit/plant and its shape and pointiness all have a specific purpose God ordained for it. At the dole plantation they were also growing cocoa beans, didn’t know they did that either. Found out that my name in Hawaiian is makaleka which means ku’momimakame which means a precious pearl. Lindsey’s name in Hawaiian is Linake which means pilipa which means a hedge. She was upset because I looked up the meanings of my sister’s names and they all meant something pretty, Laura = a great compliment Rachel = a gentle breath/soft spoken and Stephanie = a champion. On the way back to Austin’s house we got to see several FULL rainbows that were just so incredibly distinct. I absolutely love rainbows and the fact that when there is a rainbow in the sky God remembers the covenant that He made with us. During the trip we did not get to stop and visit Pearl Harbor but we did go through the city and got to see the bay in which the USS Arizona was sunk. That evening we went to the movies and saw Toy Story 3 which was such an incredibly cute movie! I would have to say one of my favorite things we did to pass the time was singing through the alphabet worshiping God. It didn’t matter who started it, whoever started a song with the letter of the alphabet we were on we sang. A fun one we did was father Abraham. We couldn’t exactly do the turning around one so instead we did wiggle your butt. I’m sure the people passing us along the road thought we were all having seizures. For some reason we couldn’t think of one for D so we came up with our own to the tune of Do you know the muffin man. We came up with several versus but I can’t remember them all, but just to give you an idea:
Do you know who saves our soul who saves our soul who saves our soul do you know who saves our soul his name is Jesus Christ.
Did you know he died for us he died for us he died for us did you know he died for us so that we might live
Do you know he’s coming back he’s coming back he’s coming back do you know he’s coming back to take us to heaven

Day 3
We went to Hanauma bay and went snorkeling. I was originally really freaked out. I’m slightly scared of water especially if I can’t see or feel the bottom. Austin and Lindsey helped me overcome my fear slightly I just know that I a not the best of swimmers and that if I got caught up in a strong current I wouldn’t know what to do and I probably wouldn’t have the strength to get out of it. I feel that one of God’s most powerful creations that has the ability to be very destructive in some circumstances is water. And I definitely don’t want to underestimate it. By not going through the tubes that were the “boundaries” to not go beyond when there were strong currents present I was able to be led onto the other side of the reef where there were more fish to see. And yes I was led, a decent portion of the time by Austin, by him holding my hand through it I felt much more safe especially if something happened to me I knew that he would be right there and he would have the strength to get me out of whatever situation I could have found myself in. After a while though I was able to do some exploring without his help but I didn’t let hi get too far beyond my sight. It was just so fantastic to see this part of God’s world that I have never had the opportunity to see before. I look under the water and would then look above the water at the beach and go back and forth between the two recognizing and appreciating their differences yet also realizing some of their similarities. Just like the land the sea has its own very unique landscape with various rock formations and elevations. It also has its’ own very diverse and colorful plant and coral life. The fish are also very unique in their sizes and colorations just like our people. I very distinctly remember seeing this beautiful multi colored neon rainbow fish. I hope we were able to get a picture of it. I will find out when we get our pictures back from our underwater camera. I was getting tired and needed to be heading back soon. Although Austin was helping me get back to the safe area I was really struggling. Turns out that just after we got back into the safe area the alarm went off along with a warning stating that the areas beyond the white tubes were not longer safe due to the strong currents. No wonder I was having a difficult time. Austin was great though and helped me all the way back to shore to make sure I would be okay. After snorkeling we went to the Polynesian cultural center to meet up with Nicole. It was her last night in Hawaii. One of the first things we did was to get some shave ice which I don’t think I’ve had since I was very young, back in the day when I would go to fair grove baseball games and watch friends and family play. I just barely missed out on a demonstration by a fire dancer but we were able to get our picture with him. Everyone I saw who went up to him were so afraid of his fire stick. I asked if I could hold it and he let me!!!! I later found out from Austin that technically they aren’t suppose to let others hold it but if they know you are a native (Austin pretty much is) they make exceptions to the guidelines. And just a quick thing you probably don’t notice in the picture but I do… my pinky on my left hand is just off and doing it’s own thing which is pretty much the only real physical impairment caused by my tumor. Even as I am typing this I have learned how to type at a fairly decent speed without using the pinky on my left hand. We then got to eat a Polynesian dinner and after dinner was over we went to a show they put on with the hula, warrior and fire dancers called the breath of life. It was so amazing how fast they can shake it. I’m very jealous, but I’m pretty sure that if I had one of the “hip poufs” that they wore it would look like I could shake it really fast too. One of our purposes for going was so that we could see our new friend Nicole, it turned out that we had bought two different dinner and show packages so we ended up being in different places for dinner along with different seating sections for the show. We were able to spend a little bit of time with her before the show started and I really need to email her so that I can send her some of the pictures we took.

The BIG Island: Hawaii

Day 4
We got up and went to worship with Austin and his mother. When we got there they were providing ice cream so I ended up eating ice cream as part of my breakfast, not very healthy but hey, I’m on vacation. The speaker spoke on living radically it was a good sermon and he not only discussed with us the things that often keep us from living radically but he helped to equip us by giving us ideas of how to live radically. After church was over we went to a restaurant and had Dim Sum. I was quite scared at the thought of eating the food that was being brought to the table. I couldn’t recognize any of the things they were bringing and I also didn’t know what kinds of meat or vegetables that I was eating. Much to my surprise it was all tasty, even the duck.
After we got done eating we got dropped off at the airport to catch a flight to the big island of Hawaii. While waiting on the flight I was able to get some nice relaxing time in to read my book. It’s a book I read in high school that I really enjoyed reading, it was the first book in a trilogy but I never ended up reading the other books. While I was in Utah visiting my friend Whitney back in April I recalled the book and went searching for it and its counter parts. Sadly they only had the first book, but I went ahead and purchased it and started reading it very sporadically whenever I could find the time. While Laura was up here visiting me we went to a used book store and I found the second book, which I haven’t made it to yet. Anyway I just had a nice time reading my book. We got to fly over Diamond Head and I noticed that there was a building in the crater; the man next to me (Justin) told me that it was a National Guard facility and they use it to monitor tsunami activity. The flight was so short it took maybe 30 to 40 minutes. When we got there we rented a red mustang convertible! We dropped our stuff off at the hotel in Hilo and proceeded to a beach. The beaches there were much different than the ones in Oahu’.
The beaches on the big island are much more rocky and don’t have as much sand. The sand that they do have is black! I had never seen nor heard of black sand before, I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it but I still praised God for it and how He kept surprising me with so many new and interesting sights. I was enjoying my time looking out at God’s expansive ocean and I heard a call from Austin telling me to come quick. When I finally made it over to where he was there was a turtle within touching distance (I didn’t touch it because it is illegal to touch them) in a tide pool leading out to the ocean. I stayed there and just marveled at this beautiful creature lazily swimming in the tide pool. I thanked God for once again letting me see this beautiful creature so close up. If Austin hadn’t have gone exploring I wouldn’t have ever known that God was orchestrating the life of this magnificent animal so close to me. It makes me wonder how many other things we miss within the world because of how busy we are or how unwilling we are to step outside our comfort zones. That night Lindsey and I were taught how to do a little bit of hula dancing…. I wasn’t very good at it. Even though I enjoy dancing and moving I don’t think I was made to do much choreography. It takes me a long time to really get the hang of how to do something. It is just not my forte’.

Day 5
Austin had a meeting that morning so Lindsey and I went to a nearby beach to bask in the sun. Problem was that when we got to this small island there was not much sun to be basked in. It was almost continually cloudy. We were very saddened by the gloominess but we were able to get some good reading time in. The beach here was also fairly rocky :/. While we were lying out on the beach we saw an older man out trying to catch fish and started up a conversation with him. Turns out there were lots of tiger sharks in the area. After a long while he finally caught a fish and cleaned it right in front of us. I thought it was great that whatever he caught he ate and used to feed his family.
After Austin got back we went to the volcano national park and got to see the steam vents and the crater. We were able to walk through the lava tubes. It was pitch black as we were traveling down the tubes, I was very glad that we had a flashlight to guide us through. I think I prefer lava tubes to the caves that we have in the states. The lava tubes only seem to have one main chute where as in the caves we have in the states you have to be very careful to remember which ways you traversed because it is very easy to get lost. I also liked the fact that you could stand up the majority of the time and not have to bend down or crawl through very small spaces. You could tell that the lava tubes were not very old because the stalactites and stalagmites were not very large; they were just beginning to form. We wanted to go see the lava flows so we left the lava tubes before making it to the end of them so that we could make it to the lava flows before the gate closed. Well under the direction of Austin we made our way to see the flows. About twenty minutes into the ride I had the feeling that we should be getting close to our turn off however nothing ever came up. I was trying to find out where we were with the GPS on my cell phone but couldn’t get any service to find out where we were. When I finally got service I found out that we had been traveling in the wrong direction the whole time and there was no way to get back except the way we came. It was almost 7:30 and the gates were supposed to close at 8:00. We tried to make it back in time but it was already too late. Day 6
Austin had a conference that morning and afternoon so Lindsey and I went on an adventure to see the lava tubes along with attempting to find a nice beach to stay at. We were able to find the lava fields but we were not able to see any of the lava flows. We found out that the best time to see the flows is at night because you can see the glow of the magma. When we got there it said that the gates don’t open until 2:00 but we got there at 10:00 and went ahead and followed the car that was in front of us. If we got in trouble so would they. We even went beyond the restricted area where some of the natives were. We were really surprised to see that there were houses built upon the lava rocks along with a house for sale?! While we were there we heard a lot of cracking from the wood heating up attempting to catch fire. When we first got there we saw fire engulf a tree but the flames soon went out and we didn’t get to see it again. We could have walked on the lava rock towards where the lava was flowing but it wasn’t exactly the safest thing to go out walking on the lava rocks close to the flows. There are random holes and weak spots that you can fall through straight into the magma. We did do a little walking on the lava rocks farther away from the flows. While we were there we got very warm! We then found ourselves a gorgeous black sand beach. It was a little bit of a hike to get there. We walked through a path along a meadow of lava rock with shrubbery that made its way through the rock. The shrubbery was thriving more than I thought it should be in that type of environment but it’s just another amazing example of God’s amazing creativeness. When we got to the beach the view just swept me away. It was a real black sand beach. The water had broken up the lava rocks into such small pieces that it created sand. As I walked along the beach I saw the progression of sand to small pebbles all the way to large lava rocks. The ocean was such a gorgeous rich blue against the black sand. I thoroughly enjoyed walking along the black sand beach taking in the beautiful sight. As I the waves came rushing up the beach the power of the water would unearth the larger rocks beneath the surface. We were also very blessed with our most beautiful day of the week, nice and sunny! After a short time on the beach it was time to go back to get Austin and go to our next destination. When we got back to the hotel Austin surprised us with chocolate covered fortune cookies. As we were traveling to our next destination we all ate our fortune cookies, Austin not thinking put the whole thing in his mouth and ended up eating his fortune. We took a short trip to see Akaka falls. It was a wonderful sight with all the green shrubbery and wonderfully colorful exotic flowers that I had never seen before. To get to our next stop we had to go along the coast and mountains of Hawaii. I was so surprised to see how incredibly diverse this island was, we even saw cacti! That evening we went to dinner at the Bamboo restaurant and I had the most delicious Thai coconut curry. MMMM very yummy. Day 7
Zip-lining day!!!! We woke up that morning and walked across the parking lot to get to our zip line tour; our instructors were Albert and Brandon. There were several other people already out there with their harnesses and helmets on. I went to go get all set up and the only helmet they had left said Brah, I was really sad because I didn’t want a boy hat so Albert went and got me a different one that said cupcake, Lindsey’s said honey and Austin’s said bushman. We then got into our green convertible and went driving up to the mountains where they used to grow macadamia nuts and had sugar farms. It was a bumpy ride through the mountains but was so incredibly fun! When we got up to the base we started our journey through the rain forest. There were a total of 8 lines. The first line we did was to teach us how to steer ourselves down the course. It was easy for me if you start spinning in one direction all you had to do was to turn in to the spin and you would straighten back out. I absolutely LOVED zip lining! When we got to the second line I completely let go of the control line and just let myself fly through God’s amazing jungle. I did that through the rest of the as much as I could, only grabbing onto the line so that I could adjust my view, or if I was taking a video. Zipping through the canopy felt so wonderful and freeing. You all probably don’t know this but I have lots of dreams where I have the ability to glide/fly above the land. When I wake up from those dreams I feel so at peace. I hope that when I get to heaven God will give me wings so that I can really experience the gift of flight. It was so great to get a completely different view of the forest, seeing it from a bird’s eye view. It was very difficult to take all in because we went so fast. I don’t think any of the lines we went on lasted more than 45 seconds. The very last one was the longest and fastest line, on one side you could see a waterfall and the other side you could see the ocean and Maui, it went so fast and it was hard to take in both sights but luckily I had a video camera with me and recorded what I saw so that I could be reminded of that fun day. I haven’t seen the video yet but I hope it turned out well. It took us about 3 hours to go through the lines with a stop in between to rest up and get some food and water into us before we continued. We were really sad when we had to head back to the camp, if I could have I would have stayed there all day long!!! Albert and Brandon were great zip guides they helped make it so much fun. While we were driving back Albert picked a hibiscus flower and gave it to one of the ladies on the tour. After the tour was over we had to go back to Hilo so that we could catch our flight back to Oahu. Nothing too excited happened on the plane ride back. Myself and Lindsey read and we got hit on by the steward, he gave us his number and told us to text him later, we didn’t though. He just stood there talking to us while we were descending, I’m pretty sure he didn’t sit down until less than 5 minutes before the plane actually landed.

Day 8
I woke up this morning earlier than everyone else so I just took some quiet time to read God’s word and thank him for giving us such an amazing trip and allowing us to do and see all the things we did. When Austin and Lindsey were finally ready we went to Waikiki beach and while I laid out in the sun they went surfing. I had been out in the sun about 20 minutes and I started feeling miserable. I found myself a shaded region and laid there but didn’t get to feeling any better. I had been drinking plenty of water but I just didn’t have the necessary electrolytes. So when Austin and Lindsey got back they took me to one of the hotels that had an on call doctor. It was going to cost $130 to see them so I told Austin get me a Gatorade and something salty and I will be fine. So I sat inside the cool hotel and ate the food that Austin had gone and bought for me and I felt so much better. We then spent a lot of time in the international market to find presents for friends and family and myself. That evening we had dinner with Austin’s parents. They had made a home cooked meal for us of ribs and sweet and sour chicken. They live right on the water and there are Samoan crabs that live in the cove, after we got done with our ribs we were suppose to throw the bone beyond their pool and gate into the water. It was so great getting to meet and get to know his parents during our vacation. They are such wonderful people!
Sadly dinner was over and it was time to head back to the airport L. It was a 6 and a half hour direct overnight flight into Denver. Lindsey was able to sleep for the majority of it however I probably only got 2 hours of sleep.
All in all Hawaii was so gorgeous and I had a great time. There were some problems here and there but in the end most of them got worked out. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to go and explore another part of the world that God created.

Moving

As soon as I got home I started packing and cleaning. I also had to run around to try to find something for Kristen’s bachelorette’s shower that evening. Her shower was a lot of fun but I had to get home to continue packing and cleaning because I had people coming to help me move the next day. I stayed up until 2 in the morning and woke up at 11 the next morning and started packing up my car. People got there at 2:30 and we got all my stuff moved into my new place. I then spent the rest of the day unpacking and got the majority of it done. I have one box full left to unpack. It’s been difficult because in the process of moving my desk broke and so the stuff that had been on that had to be relocated leaving some other random things homeless. Hopefully I can find someone who could fix it for me or I’ll have to buy a new desk.