What I've been up to

I'm trying to get myself back into a version of my old normal. I want to believe that I can get back to that but at the same time cancer changes you and your priorities. I hope that I can get into a better normal!


As many of you know I used to love love love running I would run several miles a day. My favorite was to run outside on trails, I really do not enjoy treadmills. I also remember that after my first spinal cord surgery I was running again within two months. I wanted to be up and moving and I did it and got back into the to gym to build up my strength. All of this was very relaxing and made me feel good from the inside out. Running was especially a wonderful time because I spent the time praying and asking Him to give me the strength to finish my goal and to never give up. Also there was a time I was running at night and I was at least another half mile from my house and I started hearing the coyotes howling. I was scared and was sprinting so extremely fast to make it home praying with every breath I took!


Well as for the new normal regarding exercise (currently) running has been out of the picture for a couple of  years =( I did have a spell for about 6 months where I was able to go to the gym but not near the intensity that I used to be able to. Right now my exercising is done for the most part at home in maybe 5 minute increments. I have 3 lb weights, a 4 lb medicine ball, stairs, a jump rope and now a bike which I have had at the Freis house for probably 3 years. I'm not sure if the bike is going to work but went ahead purchased a pump and helmet the most comfortable one they had! As for running, it is too jarring for me =( Plus something that makes me sad is that I can't handle being outside in the heat for too long. But the positive thing is that I am working on my health by doing what little I can. My cancer twin told me about how Miramont fitness allows a free 6 month membership for cancer patients. I called earlier this morning and hope to hear from them soon.


As for friends I used to have people over at my house for movies, games or food several times a year I also lead a Bible study for awhile. Before I would be able to go to the events that they would plan, I was very involved with the college group and would be at most of the studies and events. For a long time I knew about what was going on but as I got deeper into my treatment and people would call to hang out I would have to tell them no because I wasn't feeling well enough to go out. Eventually those calls basically stopped. It was sad and I really missed those relationships. It was very difficult for me to want to call up someone and have them over because I did not feel well and I didn't feel like doing anything so I felt like there was no point. I realize now that I wish I had kept up with those relationships and I'm trying to build them back up.


So that is something that I am trying to get back into. I've been inviting people over for dinner and movies. I've also been looking for free things we all can go out and do together. There are a lot of free things in the summer some of it requires more driving than I am willing to do but I suggest that anyone who is bored spend some time on the internet or look in your local paper for events you will be surprised at what you find. Below is Cherelle, Kelsey and my mom at centerra waiting to watch how to train your dragon. The movie was free and they also provided free popcorn and cotton candy!

I've also been making reading my Bible a priority along with my prayer journal. I temporary lost it while I was in Missouri and I was very sad. It has a lot of emotions and fears along with praises in it. Sometimes it's easier to be able to write out something than to tell someone about what's going on. And it is something I can go back and look at to see how far I've come over the years. 


One of the most recent things I have started is art therapy. I've always enjoyed art and crafty things and wanted to be able to paint and draw and do artsy things like my little sister does. I also love going to different art galleries and seeing the beautiful photos and art work. Just a quick promotion every first friday of the month the is a free art walk in old town with music and snack foods at the galleries. Instead of buying cards and gift bags I design my own, although I am still sending out store bought cards most of the time. I have them so I might as well use them! 


Another thing that I have started doing is going to support groups. I always thought about going but at the same time I was scared to go by myself. I used to be very out going. I still am outgoing but it's different mostly because it is regarding my health. I don't mind talking about my health it just can sometimes get to the point that I talk about it too much, it keeps my mind focused on the fact that I have cancer. I'm in absolutely in no way saying stop asking about my health, I am more than happy to tell you and I love being able to tell you about the healing that God is doing in me, but just ask me something else about my life also. There are several things that I do and am excited about. I'm living through cancer and enjoying it because I am living!!!

Feeling pretty good

First of all I have wonderful news! I had an MRI Monday evening to have scans of my brain, cervical, lumbar and thoracic spine basically half of my body. I was so excited to know that I was going to have the fast machine! Woo hoo!!! That means that instead of taking about 4 hours on the slow evil machine it would only take a little bit under 2 hours on the super awesome fast machine. The difference is in the software not the machine. You would think that all of the machines would have the same software. They would be able to save people the pain of having to be still for so long and they could see more patients. There is not much to do while you're getting an MRI done. Especially if you have to have a brain scan, they won't allow you to listen to any music and they don't have a radio they can play. It would be very hard to hear it anyway given how loud the machine is! 

Most of the time I use it for a time of prayer or singing in my head. One of my favorite singing adventures is to try to remember the songs we used to sing at church as a little kid such as the B-I-B-L-E,  fuzzy little catapillar, if the devil doesn't like it you get the picture. This time I decided to make up names for the different sounds that I hear.


Here are the ones I remember:

• yummy
• vibrating circle
• machine gun
• pulse 7 respond 7
• cardiac arrest CPR - 
• get up alarm
• yippie
• get em up bill
• the bubbler
• annoying beep do do
• do it alarm
• start up
• fozzie bear (waka waka)

MRI comparison (Feb and April)

MRI (Aug)

I am heartless

The doctor told me I was stable! There has been no new growth! Praise God!!!!!  I am still having issues with headaches on occasion and found out that my ventricles in my brain are a lot smaller than they should be. It is most likely to be caused by my shunt because it is not set to the correct setting. In order to adjust it they would have to do another surgery and there is no way to assure it will be set to the right pressure this time either. The headaches are manageable and I would rather not have to undergo another surgery, even if I think scars are really cool and tell some fun or interesting tale.

I often get very cold during the infusion. The liquid medicines they are infusing into your body are often room temperature or slightly cool from just coming out of a refrigerator. They are not going to be warming you up. I asked my nurse Justin to bring me another blanket to put around my shoulders and this is what he came up with. I felt like one of those old women who people would go to to for her healing powers. Or a wise woman who people would travel all around the world, maybe just very long distance, to inquire of their upcoming life or advice on things that are happening currently.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers to our God! He is the great physician the master healer. He has changed my heart and moved me into a closer relationship with Him. If I didn't have this struggle in my life I don't believe I would have the same faith I have now. As christians we are not promised that we will have an easy life on this earth it's actually opposite he guarantees that we will have struggles. And I pray that in every struggle I (you) will look to God for his strength and shelter under his wings. God is love, He cares for us and is always with us. He's just a prayer away!