What I found out!

It turns out that the insurance company still has not received my claim form for the year. I am on my way into school to resign the form and have it sent to the insurance. Things should be covered once that all goes through!!

Bills

My insurance is through CSU and I'm pretty sure it is the only insurance that I could have right now that would cover everything. I'm not exactly sure what is going on with it right now but I'm praying everything works out.

Awhile back I got a call from the CSU insurance asking me if I was still interested in having insurance for this fall, turns out that I had forgotten to sign up for any classes and since I had no classes I was not a student and therefore would not qualify for insurance. I immediately went about getting my late registration worked out! I signed up for classes and as far as I know was signed up for having the student insurance.

Soon I received some bills from the hospital saying that my insurance denied my claim and that I would be responsible for the charges. I called the insurance office and they informed me that there was a form that I needed to come in to fill out and sign. It was the same form I had completed a year ago but turns out you have to do it every year. It has been signed! I called the hospital billing and requested they resubmit the claim to the insurance company.

Well I have once again received some very substantial bills and it seems as if my insurance has still not recognized me. This makes me very nervous considering all that has happened this semester with me forgetting to sign up for classes and then the signing of a specific form. I am hoping and praying that everything went through fine.

Please be praying for this situation and that everything can be worked out soon. Once I get through with all the calls I am going to be needing to make I am hoping to know that I have done all of the necessary things to ensure that my insurance has been completely set up this whole semester. If it was not set up properly and/or I did not get everything done in time it might be possible that I will no longer be able to have insurance through CSU that will cover my treatments that I have had done thus far along with anything else in the future.

I know that God has blessed me in so many ways already and one of these has been monitarily. Because CSU did not have adequate pharmaceutical coverage I was able to apply for a perscription drug benefits program and my chemotherapy was given to me free of charge through the drug company. I was also awarded a two year grant from the national science foundation for the research I am doing that has paid for my student fees. I know that God is in control and will provide He has shown me His handiwork in my life on so many ocassions already and that He goes beyond what I can ever imagine He will. I know that no matter what happens that they will not deny me the treatments that I need.

Matthew 6:25-26

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear, is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Missouri

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE IN MISSOURI WITH FAMILY!!! IT'S SO HARD TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN BEING HOME!!! I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling defeated

I'm feeling slightly defeated right now. My spirit is low. I'm just letting too many small things get to me and I really should not be.

Lost my phone in my car, my car is not dirty but I can't find it anywhere in there and I only made one stop and couldn't find it there.

Being without my phone is hard. Every night while laying in bed I read several applications on my phone, devotionals, verses, and a read plan. It's the way I wind down my day.

Went to the store to pick up a couple of things and was disappointed to find they were all out so I had to settle for something else.

Everywhere I went today seemed to have a long slow line.

I have to be at a meeting at 7:30 in the morning with some people in Slovenia and since I lost my phone I had to run to Wal=Mart to buy an alarm clock to make sure I get up in time. Being up and ready to face my day by 7:30 tomorrow seems dismal since I'm usually not ready to get out of bed until 8:00 most mornings.

I need new glasses, my lenses keep popping out at least a couple times a week but i don't want to purchase new glasses with my steroid cheeks. And my vision just doesn't seem right, I'm not sure if it's a prescription issue or if it is an issue with the brain cancer/

Plus the whole weight gain with the steroid thing does not make me happy,

I also have been using my phone as my calendar so it had all of my appointments in it so now I'm not sure what all is going on this week or what time everything is :( You just have to have a back up of everything! I have my paper daily planner but had not put everything into it. We just need a back up of everything.

To make things worse my skin feels ouchy, I'm not sure what it is but it's very tender to clothes being on it and I have to wear clothes. I'm good about putting lotion on so I don't think it's dry skin. I have however "switched" laundry detergents .... same brand but different scent maybe.

On a brighter note:

I did go on a walk today which felt good

I got to spend some time my friend Emily who moved California

I'm listening to JJ Heller cause I like her peaceful sound and hoping it calms my anxiousness

Family and Thanksgiving

I was so excited that my little sister was able to to come up to Colorado for Thanksgiving!!! She got in on Friday night but we didn't get to see each other until Saturday evening. We had both made each other paper chains to count down the number of days until we saw each other. Laura , stephanie and I met up at The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner. They had a man there that was making balloon sculptures and he made is crazy hats and rings. He was so sweet he made my day and made me a sweet pea balloon to match my personality. We also went to The Cheesecake Factory and shared the red velvet cheesecake mmmmm.

Sunday wasn't good for me :( I woke up with a massive headache and was throwing up which was not fun. I really wanted to be able to take my little sister to visit my family at church with me to see my second family. But alas we spent the day with me laying on the couch and watching movies together.

Monday we went to see Harry Potter and I took her to go see Rhett at Action Potential in Loveland. For anyone that needs any kind of physical therapy you should see him!! He is absolutely amazing!! Go check out his website!

http://www.one80pt.com/

Tuesday we just hung out and did some Christmas shopping and crafts. Wednesday we got to have brunch with Kalla Paige and then went to my infusion. I think it was good for Stephanie to see what all I have to during my appointments and infusion. That night we got to go to church with Laura and the whole church community spoke about some of the things they were thsnkful for. We then got to have LOTS of yummy pie after services were over.

Thursday wasn't so hot. Part of it might have been because I waited so long to eat. We didn't have any food until 3:00 that afternoon. It was great getting to be with two of my sisters and my cousin elliot for Thanksgiving. The most immediate family members I have been with for several years. I am so thankful for the Smiths and how much they have done for us and opened their homes to us so it was kinda sad not being with them this year. But being with my family was great. I however had a bad day and ended up taking three naps that day. I don't like headaches :( The food and company were great though and I am so thankful that they opened up their home and hearts to us.

Laura went out black Friday shopping. I had no real desire to, but I still reaped the benefits. Laura picked up The Blind Side for me for $4!!! She's so sweet! We then went to see the movie Inception, I hadn't heard about it but it was surprisingly good!!! It's one of those movies that constantly keeps your mind engaged. That night we got to eat at Joe's Crab Shack mmmmm nums nums!

Saturday I was feeling really good!! Laura, Stephanie and I went to Goodwill to try on some ridiculous outfits. A good time was had by all! Saturday Stephanie had to go back to Harding. We were sad she had to leave but were all encouraged by the fact that we would see her within another month.

Never going to forget my pills EVER again! And MRI results

I've been on steroids for awhile now... since the beginning of August and have slowly been working myself off of them. I had weaned myself off of them and was at 0.25 mg which was my last step. Well I forgot to take it one morning and realized it on my way into the high school to present a lesson, there was no time for me to go back and get it and there was no chance of me getting it any time before 3:30. The morning was slightly rough for me to get started but by lunch time I was feeling pretty good. Once I got home I decided not to take my steroids. I was thinking to myself I'm almost to the end of my weaning off period, what's the worst that could happen.

Well I found that out the next morning. I woke up with a splitting headache that was making me physically sick. NOT FUN. I hadn't felt that way since the summer. I had rather enjoyed not feeling that miserable. I finally made it upstairs to the living room but couldn't make it to the kitchen (another 20 steps) to get my steroids. I collapsed on the couch and started crying. I felt like my brain was trying to escape from my skull. I finally got to the kitchen and was able to take my steroids. And then made my way back to the couch and collapsed.

My roommates Cherelle and Kelley are awesome, Cherelle made me a AB & jelly sandwich and got me crackers and water before she left for work and Kelley replinished my water supply before she left for school later thst morning. Cherelle also called Jana (my colorado mom) and told her about what was going on, little to my knowledge. I eventually texted Jana telling her I wasn't feeling well and before she had a chance to respond Ariel (her daughter in law) was knocking on my door. She had come over to help me out. She made me soup and tea and we watched a movie. I am so appreciative of her, it really was nice to have someone here with me even if we weren't doing much of anything!!! Then Jana came over and made me soup and got me a smoothie. Once again I am so thankful for this wonderful woman who does so much for me! I just hope that I can return the favor to her and to so many others.

So basically I spent the whole day on the couch, occasionally getting up to use the restroom and to get more water. I took a couple of naps on the couch. It seems like the only way to get rid of the headache was by sleeping, the steroids weren't kicking in very fast. By the end of the day I was feeling better than what I had been that morning but I still hadn't gotten back to normal. I really just wanted to sleep on the couch because I was worried that the physical process of laying down would make me sick (because it had a couple of times earlier in the day)

I woke up this morning with a slight headache, but being the smart woman I am I had taken my steroids and water downstairs to my bedroom with me.

I never want to miss/forget a pill EVER again! I was amazed at how much just a 0.25 mg tablet can make in how I feel, especially since I had started off with 4 mg and had weaned myself off of them 0.5 or 0.25 mg a week. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be staying at my 0.25 mg for awhile. I can deal with my weight gain and my chubby cheeks. I would take those any day over what I experienced yesterday.

I'm not too horribly worried about the headaches, of course I wish I didn't have to deal with them at all. I had an MRI on the 26th of October and the results showed no new growth. Which is pretty awesome! Praise God, thank you Lord! My oncologist seems pretty encouraged by the results. The Avastin is suppose to cut off the blood flow to the tumor cells and keep them from having the nourishment needed to continue growing. They only looked at my lumbar spine and brain. The next scan, 3 months from now, will be a full scan of my brain and spinal cord.

I've been a busy girl

Wow it has been entirely too long since I have blogged. I am sorry!

Since the last blog:

We finished up our bible study for our 90 days with Jesus study. Our last time to meet for the study I fixed a spaghetti dinner for the girls and other girls brought various side dishes and dessert to go along with it. We then watched the Passion of the Christ. It was hard to watch it but it serves as a great reminder of the price that Christ paid for us. O how great his love is for us!

I had a semi-birthday celebration at my house. Had several girlfriends over (o about 20) we watched enchanted, which is a movie that you can't help but smile while watching it, and we watched when in rome. As a between the movie snack we had Andy's frozen custard with almost any topping imaginable! My friend Kalla Paige came to visit too!

I went to Boston to enjoy my birthday weekend!!! I spent time with one of my best besties ever Christine! We went to the fair in the rain :( luckily most of it was inside. They had different buildings that represented different states from the New England area. We just walked around and I got some Christmas shopping done :) There was a farm animal area and we got to see cows, chickens, ducks, llamas and sheep. We had lots of fun just spending the afternoon together. That night Christine and I were cooking dinner and she went to grab a can as it was falling off the counter and she ended up slicing open her hand :( and had to go to the emergency room to get 12 stitches. It was kinda crazy finishing up dinner without her and with not really knowing the dinner guests that well. Later that evening a different set of people came over and watched Avatar... I on the other hand went to bed!

Saturday we spent the day chillin around the house until it was time to get ready for Wicked!! Wicked was amazing! I spent more money on a shirt than I have ever spent on any shirt ever, but I love my sister and I promised her a shirt from the show. My favorite song from the musical was defying gravity! I have never read the book Wicked but from what Bobby had said there were a couple of major differences. It was so interesting to see this other side of the wizard of oz. It really made me think about how we perceive people.

Once I got back from Massachuessetts I started working as much as I felt like I could including weekends. I have orals coming up soon, maybe sometime in November, so I'm trying to get some experiments done for then. And my boss wanted me to present in group meeting on Monday so I wanted to get some stuff worked up. Hours and hours of data analysis! I think I took and recorded over 1400 data points. Slightly exhausting.

Our women's group read the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and discussed it. For those of you who haven't read it, you should!!! Amazing!!! The male lead, Michael, in the book was dreamy and I would have to say the most ideal man ever! I want a Michael. For those of you that don't know this book is written based off the book of Hosea and has scripture and history delicately weaved throughout the story.

My cousin Andrew came to visit. Monday Laura, Andrew, Elliot and I met up in Denver to have dinner. We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory and then to the Cheesecake factory for dessert... mmmm yummy! We also walked around to the memorial bridge.

Andrew and I went up to Evergreen to spend the night with the Smith's. It was so nice to see Wanda and the boys. I got a little bit of a taste of what it would be like to be a mom Tuesday morning. Wanda asked if I could help the boys get ready while she got ready for a meeting she had that morning. I ended up finishing up breakfast for the boys and finished helping them get ready and proceeded to take them to school. It was actually kinda fun Wanda and Stacey's boys are so well behaved!!

It was incredibly gorgeous up there! When I woke up in the morning it was snowing!!! What a blessing to be able to wake up to that. Andrew and I drove up to Echo Lake by Mt. Evans but couldn't go up to Mt. Evans because the road was closed, plus there was a good 3 to 6 inches of snow at the lake area already. It was so beautiful.

I took Andrew to Beau-Joe's pizza so that the next time he sees our cousin's husband David he can tell him how good it was. I also had my infusion later that evening. They gave me Ingrid who is probably the best sticker ever! I've figured out that I need to use the heating pad to get the blood flowing to my veins and they do my elbow nook as opposed to trying anywhere else.

Wednesday Andrew and I went up to Estes park and drove up Trail Ridge road we went pretty far we were probably only 3 miles away from the continental divide when we turned around to go home. We saw some of the most beautiful sights. One of my favorites was the lake in the middle of the mountains. We serve an amazing creative God!

Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard

It's been a hectic week with working, infusions, bible study, spending time with people and attempting to find me time and time to rest. I feel like I have so many different things that I have to get done, but I don't have near enough time in the day nor enough energy to do them all. I feel as if nothing gets all of my full attention or even my full ability because I have to reserve.

I try to make sure work and God stay a top priority but I have noticed that the exercising portion of my health gets put on the complete back burner because I am typically too exhausted to do it by the time I'm done with work. So work gets to wait this week and I'm going back to my reading my Bible in the morning and then going on walks. I need my body to be healthy in order to handle treatments better.

Had a meeting for my fellowship and got to talking to the biologist professor, who specializes in neuroscience, about my treatment. He didn't have great things to say about the avastin I am taking. He asked if I could bring in my scans so he could take a look at them. I plan on getting them when I go in for my next infusion in a little over a week.

My infusion wasn't the most fun thing of the day. They had to poke me 5 times before they got it to work. My infusion was scheduled for 3:00 and they didn't even get me started until around 5:00. The company however was great! Trisha and Ariel came with me. In order to avoid the rush hour traffic we went to dinner at Macaroni grill.

I went to my high school on Wednesday and did the modeling migration activity with the freshman science class. I was so proud of myself and how stern I was with them. Kate, the teacher I work with, told me I was a lot better at taking control and handling the class in order to keep them in line as opposed to letting her take over. I do know that last year I let her be the disciplinary but this year I'm taking charge (at least for when I'm giving lessons)!

Thursday and Friday I worked on my research project and then Friday drove down to spend some time with Laura. Saturday we went to old Colorado City and walked around for a little while but I just wasn't having a good day. We ate at an Ethopian restaurant which the name translated into English meant God with! It was so amazing to learn that, the people that worked there were great and had such beautiful hearts.

Went to church with Laura this morning and then came back home rested and then went to work to try to finish up my data analysis.

I actually used my horn today. I don't use it very often but I used it toward a couple of bikers. They decided they didn't have to abide by the rules of the road. We were at the stop light and they had a red light and I had a green turn light and they went ahead and went on through. So I honked at them cause they made me mad. If you are riding a bike on the roads abide by the same rules cars use! It's the law!

Smile maker for my day: Got a free smoothie because their cash register was broken mmm acai berry!

I took the day off today

Last week I watched the movie letters to God, not exactly the best movie for me to watch but I did. I went in knowing that it was going to make me cry and originally I wasn't going to watch it by myself but I love watching inspirational movies. For those of you who don't know it is about a little boy who has brain cancer who writes letters to God. I definately cried. But it also inspired me to be more open about my prayer life and for me to be more active in my prayer life and journaling. No matter how we talk to him, whether through prayer or letters we should always be in constant communication with Him.

I spent my week working!!! I went to work all day Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and I took the day off today!!! I felt decent but decided I needed to be careful and not overdo it. So I spent the day watching Chuck one of my roommates favorite TV shows. It was pretty good I enjoyed watching it. I ended up watching the whole first season today. But I did other things while I was watching it. I cleaned and I did my back and core exercises. I worked hard on them today for 45 minutes!!!! Honestly I should be doing these exercises every day. I'm not sure about being able to do 45 minutes daily but I need to be doing them more often. I have to admit that because I was working so hard this week I neglected them. But one of the reasons I stayed home today is because I know I need to work on the health of my body, so I made sure I had enough energy to do it. I also went on a walk today and walked 1.1 miles, it took me a little over 30 minutes. The weather was absolutely amazing!!! Perfect temperature along with just a slight breeze.

I was also really excited when I heard from an old friend (we were back side twins, people found it difficult to tell us apart from the back) in a text asking how I was doing. We ended up getting a chance to talk on the phone for awhile and she told me she was pregnant! I'm so excited for her and her husband!!

I'm excited for the next several weeks. This Tuesday is our last bible study on 90 days with Jesus. The next Tuesday we are going to watch the passion of Christ. I know it's a tough, gruesome, sad movie but it is a good portrayal and reminder of what Chris endured for us so that we can have forgiveness of our sins.

Something crazy happened today I was at home watching Chuck as you all know and I heard a loud crash and thud along with screeching. Cherelle asked what fell as I was getting up and I said I'm pretty sure there was just an accident. Right in front of our house was a stopped car and as the woman was getting out she said something just hit me. She wasn't sure exactly what it was. There was smoke through out the air and debri all over the road. Further down the road I heard yelling "don't get up, don't move" and there was a man lying over in the grass on the opposite side of the road. Within seconds it seemed as if the whole couple of blocks were all outside. Turns out a motorcyclist was driving too fast clipped the edge of someones bumper which caused him and his bike to go flying. You might be thinking okay Megan why tell this story in your blog... Well the crash happened around the stop sign at the entrance to my apartment complex.... the guy landed 200 yards away! That's a long way and he was trying to move after it happened. Cherelle and I went back in and prayed for him.

Later this evening I got a call from my roommate Kelly asking what was going on because the road was closed and she couldn't get home. Turns out they closed off the road to document all the debri and everything. The crash happened around 6:30 and it's now 11 and from what I can see based on where their flood lights are they are only half way done documenting everything.

Not feeling like myself

I've been finding it difficult to get back into the swing of things lately. I just don't feel like myself. I'm not sure if it is due to the steroids or the inflammation from the cancer. I'm just not as happy as I usually am. I'm finding it hard to find joy in things. It also seems like I am just going through the motions of life and not really living.

I'm trying my best to get into a routine of things. I've been getting up in the morning drinking my noni and then eating my breakfast while I do my Bible study for the day and then go on a walk. It's been a great way to start my day.

Work on the other hand is harder to get into than I would like it to be. Although I am going into my 4th year of graduate school I feel like I am just beginning to work on my PhD. I've been gone all summer long and haven't been focusing on much of anything regarding work. There are things that I know I can do but it feels so repetitive since I have done these studies before. I know they are necessary tests and I just need to get over it and do it! I'm just ready to be making progress.

I am trying my best to do a natural form of treatment but there are so many different treatment options out there with no clinical trials. Lots of the things out there I have never even heard of. It feels overwhelming because there are an infinite number of possible natural treatments out there and I can't do all of them. I want to do the ones that are going to do help me the most but I have no clue which ones those are. I know that in the end God is the one who heals me and that He can use any means possible whether natural or through the doctors or even if I decide to stop all kind of treatments.

I have my second infusion today!

Not so great news

Since the last blog:

*Underwent round 11 of chemo. Was so excited about being so close to being done.

*I had been having headaches off and on usually in the morning when I first woke up. Also the headaches would make me physically sick at times. I could be fine one day and then sick the next. I was thinking that there could be something off with my shunt. I called my doctor and she had me come in for a brain MRI at 8:00 in the morning, yuck! When I got to visit my oncologist later that morning she had me do a lot of different things that she doesn't normally do.

We then got to look at the MRI and the MRI did not show nice results. I found out that the shunt was working properly however I also found out that the cancer was coming back in certain regions. Turns out that the chemotherapy that I had been using is working fine however it is carried by the blood and there are certain regions in the brain that are not well supplied by the blood and these are the regions that are having tumor growth (leptomeningal spread). In particular the surface of the brain along with the central region of the brain. I fell to my knees when I found out about this but one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was "well I guess I'm just gonna get to see Jesus earlier than I thought". The doctor told me she wanted to start me on a different kind of treatment, this time a biological agent done through infusion once every two weeks. She couldn't give me a definite time of treatment. It could be 4 months it could be 8 months, it all depends on how well my body responds to it. I needed some good news so I asked if I was going to lose my hair again and she said NO! She said the main side effects are fatigue and having a hoarse voice.

She needed to run more tests and make sure that the cancer wasnt returning anywhere else so my sister Laura and I stayed in Denver and ate and went to the denver museum of science and nature. We saw an imax film and it wasn't very imaxy like I remember the imax movies to be. This one was more of a documentary. We then headed back to the hospital for an MRI of the rest of my spine. We then got to stay at my friend Kalla Paige's house. It was so good to see her!!!! She is such a sweetie she made us dinner and made me oreo balls :D

Thursday I came back in to get a lumbar puncture but they couldn't get enough fluid to be able to monitor how well I'm doing with treatment through those means. Dr. Dameck said this is typical for people with shunts. Good thing was that there was nothing they saw in the MRI's that would keep me from giong home.

Friday evening I flew home. Igot in at midnight and was greeted by my dad and little sister Steph who started crying pretty much as soon as we started hugging. I love that girl! When we got outside of the airport my mom was waiting in the car with ANDY'S!!! A strawberry and oreo vanilla concrete :D

Saturday-Tuesday I tried to spend as much time with family as possible.

Saturday evening we had an icecream party at my cousin Erin's house and the family all sat around visiting with eachother and playing games. They have a small indoor basketball hoop for their daughter Avery and so the boys and myself decided to play a game of horse. I could have totally beat them if I could have made the random must be flexible shots that I attempted.

Sunday I went to church at Strafford and then Sunday night went to church in Fair Grove with my grandma. It was just so great to see my original church family again even though there were a few people who I missed out on seeing. It was quite the surprise to some of them that I was there and it was tearful but all in all I love those people and I am so thankful for all the prayers and support they have given me through the years!

Monday I went into Springfield to get a chance to see my new second cousin Lillian Belle who was 7 lbs and 21 inches. Such a beautiful little girl and numerous joyous family members there waiting to greet her.

Tuesday Stephanie left for Harding. I think she cried a little bit more than she was expecting to but in the end I'm sure she will be fine. And I'm going to have to do my best to send her packages! Maybe Laura and I can work out a system. After Mom, Steph and Michael left Dad, Grandma and myself went back into Springfield since yesterday we had not gotten the opportunity to see Amber or get to hold little Lillian.

When I arrived in Denver Kassidy and her brother picked me up and we proceeded over to the hospital for my first infusion of bevacizumab or avastin. My sister Laura and my friend Tim showed up also to sit with me. The infusion wasn't so bad, the worst part was them having to find my and actually getting it to work on the first try. The infusion was done in about 30 minutes and then I was free to go. No anti-nauseas necessary. I did feel tired later but not too bad.

Wednesday I was a little more tired than usual throughout the day but by the time church came around I was feeling quite well! Here's praying for more good days!

Hawaii

I apologize for it taking me so long to finally update this and I also apologize for the extreme length of this. But to my defense I’ve been on vacation and there is just so much to talk about!!

Oahu’

Day 1
On the 15th of July my friend Lindsey and I went to Hawaii for vacation. It was originally suppose to be a treat to myself for finishing up 2nd year graduate school qualifications (my orals/preliminary defense), however God had other plans for me and I ended up being out of commission for a couple of months due to the hydrocephalus and recovering from the surgery. We got up super early that morning to make it to our 8 am flight, neither Lindsey nor myself were able to get much sleep the night before I think we probably each got no more than 3 hours. When we got to the Denver airport our flight had been delayed and the flight that was scheduled to leave at 6 that morning still had not left. We were able to jump onto the 6:10 flight and it ended up leaving a little bit after our 8 am flight was suppose to leave. While waiting in the terminal we met a woman (Whitney) and her two adorable children Obsidian and Cambria. She had been scheduled to be on the 6 am flight and had found herself a corner for her and her children to be able to move around. We were able to help her out by watching her children for her while she went to the restroom and we also helped her get all of their stuff onto the plane. When we were on the plane to LAX there were a couple of little girls in front of us who were getting very wiggly and so I got my phone out and we played what color is this and we would draw pictures on the phone and have them figure out what the image was.
On our way from LAX to HNL we sat next to a woman, Nicole, who was just a little older than us. She was on her way to Honolulu on vacation by herself. We had such a fun time with her, we all had our head phones plugged into the seat and would tell each other what station we were listening to that had the best songs on it. We would turn to it and would start singing along and dancing to it! It was just incredibly fun! Before we left we got her contact information so we could get a hold of her before she left. I also played the halfway to Hawaii game, they gave you the speed at which you were traveling and told you the how strong the head wind or tail wind was, I was off by 1 minute and 14 seconds.

When we finally got to Hawaii my friend Austin picked us up and we went back to his house and rested for a little bit. After our short naps we went off to Waikiki to go to the beach and to have dinner. The first “new” things we saw were the Banyan trees and we learned that in some way they are interconnected, where the limbs of one tree goes down into the ground creating roots for another tree to form in another area on the island. It reminded me of how God works in all our lives and how in some ways we are all connected to the overall great story and plan that God has for each of us. The view at the beach was so absolutely magnificent. Lindsey and my self were in complete awe of God’s beautiful creation. The ocean was so gorgeous and the progression of the blue tints of colors was so amazing to look upon. The white sand was so soft and cool where the tide was coming in. We would stand there and as the waves rushed upon the shore our feet would slowly start sinking into the sand. With each crashing wave our feet were further enveloped by the cool wet sand. While we were walking along side the shoreline we were moved to sing various songs. The first one that came to my mind, which was one of my favorites as a child, was Have you seen Jesus my Lord and the verse have you ever stood at the ocean with the white foam at your feet. I felt God’s presence with us and I gave such thanks to Him for allowing us to view this part of His beautiful creation.

Day 2
We got to take a tour of Oahu’ with Austin as our personal tour guide. We were able to visit a couple of beaches we didn’t get into the water but we stood along the shore line and the tide pools staring into God’s vast ocean He had placed in front of us, watching the waves crash upon the rocks spraying white foam into the air. We made a stop at the Macadamia nut farm and got to try various flavors of macadamia nuts that had been grown on that very farm. We also got to try their macadamia nut Kona coffee and my goodness it was yummy and thanks to Austin I now have my own 100% Kona coffee to enjoy whenever I feel like it. We continued our journey and visited a beach where you could see the island referred to as China mans’ hat. At this beach we found this tiny little crab that completely blended in with his surrounds. We only saw him because we noticed him moving. How great a blessing to have gotten to see this little creature. We went to Hono bay which is a beach where the turtles often lay their eggs. We were able to get to see a large turtle just chilling out in the tide. Turtles are just so beautiful and majestic we were so thankful for this creature that God allowed us to see that day. We also went to the Dole plantation. Lindsey had no clue what Dole was it was really funny for her to finally get it when we got there and she saw the symbol, it all came rushing back to her then. Of course the first thing we did was to get some Dole whip which is pineapple ice cream, it was so very yummy! I learned something new, I had absolutely no clue that pineapples grew up from the ground. I thought they grew on trees. How creative God is! The pineapple is such an interestingly shaped fruit/plant and its shape and pointiness all have a specific purpose God ordained for it. At the dole plantation they were also growing cocoa beans, didn’t know they did that either. Found out that my name in Hawaiian is makaleka which means ku’momimakame which means a precious pearl. Lindsey’s name in Hawaiian is Linake which means pilipa which means a hedge. She was upset because I looked up the meanings of my sister’s names and they all meant something pretty, Laura = a great compliment Rachel = a gentle breath/soft spoken and Stephanie = a champion. On the way back to Austin’s house we got to see several FULL rainbows that were just so incredibly distinct. I absolutely love rainbows and the fact that when there is a rainbow in the sky God remembers the covenant that He made with us. During the trip we did not get to stop and visit Pearl Harbor but we did go through the city and got to see the bay in which the USS Arizona was sunk. That evening we went to the movies and saw Toy Story 3 which was such an incredibly cute movie! I would have to say one of my favorite things we did to pass the time was singing through the alphabet worshiping God. It didn’t matter who started it, whoever started a song with the letter of the alphabet we were on we sang. A fun one we did was father Abraham. We couldn’t exactly do the turning around one so instead we did wiggle your butt. I’m sure the people passing us along the road thought we were all having seizures. For some reason we couldn’t think of one for D so we came up with our own to the tune of Do you know the muffin man. We came up with several versus but I can’t remember them all, but just to give you an idea:
Do you know who saves our soul who saves our soul who saves our soul do you know who saves our soul his name is Jesus Christ.
Did you know he died for us he died for us he died for us did you know he died for us so that we might live
Do you know he’s coming back he’s coming back he’s coming back do you know he’s coming back to take us to heaven

Day 3
We went to Hanauma bay and went snorkeling. I was originally really freaked out. I’m slightly scared of water especially if I can’t see or feel the bottom. Austin and Lindsey helped me overcome my fear slightly I just know that I a not the best of swimmers and that if I got caught up in a strong current I wouldn’t know what to do and I probably wouldn’t have the strength to get out of it. I feel that one of God’s most powerful creations that has the ability to be very destructive in some circumstances is water. And I definitely don’t want to underestimate it. By not going through the tubes that were the “boundaries” to not go beyond when there were strong currents present I was able to be led onto the other side of the reef where there were more fish to see. And yes I was led, a decent portion of the time by Austin, by him holding my hand through it I felt much more safe especially if something happened to me I knew that he would be right there and he would have the strength to get me out of whatever situation I could have found myself in. After a while though I was able to do some exploring without his help but I didn’t let hi get too far beyond my sight. It was just so fantastic to see this part of God’s world that I have never had the opportunity to see before. I look under the water and would then look above the water at the beach and go back and forth between the two recognizing and appreciating their differences yet also realizing some of their similarities. Just like the land the sea has its own very unique landscape with various rock formations and elevations. It also has its’ own very diverse and colorful plant and coral life. The fish are also very unique in their sizes and colorations just like our people. I very distinctly remember seeing this beautiful multi colored neon rainbow fish. I hope we were able to get a picture of it. I will find out when we get our pictures back from our underwater camera. I was getting tired and needed to be heading back soon. Although Austin was helping me get back to the safe area I was really struggling. Turns out that just after we got back into the safe area the alarm went off along with a warning stating that the areas beyond the white tubes were not longer safe due to the strong currents. No wonder I was having a difficult time. Austin was great though and helped me all the way back to shore to make sure I would be okay. After snorkeling we went to the Polynesian cultural center to meet up with Nicole. It was her last night in Hawaii. One of the first things we did was to get some shave ice which I don’t think I’ve had since I was very young, back in the day when I would go to fair grove baseball games and watch friends and family play. I just barely missed out on a demonstration by a fire dancer but we were able to get our picture with him. Everyone I saw who went up to him were so afraid of his fire stick. I asked if I could hold it and he let me!!!! I later found out from Austin that technically they aren’t suppose to let others hold it but if they know you are a native (Austin pretty much is) they make exceptions to the guidelines. And just a quick thing you probably don’t notice in the picture but I do… my pinky on my left hand is just off and doing it’s own thing which is pretty much the only real physical impairment caused by my tumor. Even as I am typing this I have learned how to type at a fairly decent speed without using the pinky on my left hand. We then got to eat a Polynesian dinner and after dinner was over we went to a show they put on with the hula, warrior and fire dancers called the breath of life. It was so amazing how fast they can shake it. I’m very jealous, but I’m pretty sure that if I had one of the “hip poufs” that they wore it would look like I could shake it really fast too. One of our purposes for going was so that we could see our new friend Nicole, it turned out that we had bought two different dinner and show packages so we ended up being in different places for dinner along with different seating sections for the show. We were able to spend a little bit of time with her before the show started and I really need to email her so that I can send her some of the pictures we took.

The BIG Island: Hawaii

Day 4
We got up and went to worship with Austin and his mother. When we got there they were providing ice cream so I ended up eating ice cream as part of my breakfast, not very healthy but hey, I’m on vacation. The speaker spoke on living radically it was a good sermon and he not only discussed with us the things that often keep us from living radically but he helped to equip us by giving us ideas of how to live radically. After church was over we went to a restaurant and had Dim Sum. I was quite scared at the thought of eating the food that was being brought to the table. I couldn’t recognize any of the things they were bringing and I also didn’t know what kinds of meat or vegetables that I was eating. Much to my surprise it was all tasty, even the duck.
After we got done eating we got dropped off at the airport to catch a flight to the big island of Hawaii. While waiting on the flight I was able to get some nice relaxing time in to read my book. It’s a book I read in high school that I really enjoyed reading, it was the first book in a trilogy but I never ended up reading the other books. While I was in Utah visiting my friend Whitney back in April I recalled the book and went searching for it and its counter parts. Sadly they only had the first book, but I went ahead and purchased it and started reading it very sporadically whenever I could find the time. While Laura was up here visiting me we went to a used book store and I found the second book, which I haven’t made it to yet. Anyway I just had a nice time reading my book. We got to fly over Diamond Head and I noticed that there was a building in the crater; the man next to me (Justin) told me that it was a National Guard facility and they use it to monitor tsunami activity. The flight was so short it took maybe 30 to 40 minutes. When we got there we rented a red mustang convertible! We dropped our stuff off at the hotel in Hilo and proceeded to a beach. The beaches there were much different than the ones in Oahu’.
The beaches on the big island are much more rocky and don’t have as much sand. The sand that they do have is black! I had never seen nor heard of black sand before, I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it but I still praised God for it and how He kept surprising me with so many new and interesting sights. I was enjoying my time looking out at God’s expansive ocean and I heard a call from Austin telling me to come quick. When I finally made it over to where he was there was a turtle within touching distance (I didn’t touch it because it is illegal to touch them) in a tide pool leading out to the ocean. I stayed there and just marveled at this beautiful creature lazily swimming in the tide pool. I thanked God for once again letting me see this beautiful creature so close up. If Austin hadn’t have gone exploring I wouldn’t have ever known that God was orchestrating the life of this magnificent animal so close to me. It makes me wonder how many other things we miss within the world because of how busy we are or how unwilling we are to step outside our comfort zones. That night Lindsey and I were taught how to do a little bit of hula dancing…. I wasn’t very good at it. Even though I enjoy dancing and moving I don’t think I was made to do much choreography. It takes me a long time to really get the hang of how to do something. It is just not my forte’.

Day 5
Austin had a meeting that morning so Lindsey and I went to a nearby beach to bask in the sun. Problem was that when we got to this small island there was not much sun to be basked in. It was almost continually cloudy. We were very saddened by the gloominess but we were able to get some good reading time in. The beach here was also fairly rocky :/. While we were lying out on the beach we saw an older man out trying to catch fish and started up a conversation with him. Turns out there were lots of tiger sharks in the area. After a long while he finally caught a fish and cleaned it right in front of us. I thought it was great that whatever he caught he ate and used to feed his family.
After Austin got back we went to the volcano national park and got to see the steam vents and the crater. We were able to walk through the lava tubes. It was pitch black as we were traveling down the tubes, I was very glad that we had a flashlight to guide us through. I think I prefer lava tubes to the caves that we have in the states. The lava tubes only seem to have one main chute where as in the caves we have in the states you have to be very careful to remember which ways you traversed because it is very easy to get lost. I also liked the fact that you could stand up the majority of the time and not have to bend down or crawl through very small spaces. You could tell that the lava tubes were not very old because the stalactites and stalagmites were not very large; they were just beginning to form. We wanted to go see the lava flows so we left the lava tubes before making it to the end of them so that we could make it to the lava flows before the gate closed. Well under the direction of Austin we made our way to see the flows. About twenty minutes into the ride I had the feeling that we should be getting close to our turn off however nothing ever came up. I was trying to find out where we were with the GPS on my cell phone but couldn’t get any service to find out where we were. When I finally got service I found out that we had been traveling in the wrong direction the whole time and there was no way to get back except the way we came. It was almost 7:30 and the gates were supposed to close at 8:00. We tried to make it back in time but it was already too late. Day 6
Austin had a conference that morning and afternoon so Lindsey and I went on an adventure to see the lava tubes along with attempting to find a nice beach to stay at. We were able to find the lava fields but we were not able to see any of the lava flows. We found out that the best time to see the flows is at night because you can see the glow of the magma. When we got there it said that the gates don’t open until 2:00 but we got there at 10:00 and went ahead and followed the car that was in front of us. If we got in trouble so would they. We even went beyond the restricted area where some of the natives were. We were really surprised to see that there were houses built upon the lava rocks along with a house for sale?! While we were there we heard a lot of cracking from the wood heating up attempting to catch fire. When we first got there we saw fire engulf a tree but the flames soon went out and we didn’t get to see it again. We could have walked on the lava rock towards where the lava was flowing but it wasn’t exactly the safest thing to go out walking on the lava rocks close to the flows. There are random holes and weak spots that you can fall through straight into the magma. We did do a little walking on the lava rocks farther away from the flows. While we were there we got very warm! We then found ourselves a gorgeous black sand beach. It was a little bit of a hike to get there. We walked through a path along a meadow of lava rock with shrubbery that made its way through the rock. The shrubbery was thriving more than I thought it should be in that type of environment but it’s just another amazing example of God’s amazing creativeness. When we got to the beach the view just swept me away. It was a real black sand beach. The water had broken up the lava rocks into such small pieces that it created sand. As I walked along the beach I saw the progression of sand to small pebbles all the way to large lava rocks. The ocean was such a gorgeous rich blue against the black sand. I thoroughly enjoyed walking along the black sand beach taking in the beautiful sight. As I the waves came rushing up the beach the power of the water would unearth the larger rocks beneath the surface. We were also very blessed with our most beautiful day of the week, nice and sunny! After a short time on the beach it was time to go back to get Austin and go to our next destination. When we got back to the hotel Austin surprised us with chocolate covered fortune cookies. As we were traveling to our next destination we all ate our fortune cookies, Austin not thinking put the whole thing in his mouth and ended up eating his fortune. We took a short trip to see Akaka falls. It was a wonderful sight with all the green shrubbery and wonderfully colorful exotic flowers that I had never seen before. To get to our next stop we had to go along the coast and mountains of Hawaii. I was so surprised to see how incredibly diverse this island was, we even saw cacti! That evening we went to dinner at the Bamboo restaurant and I had the most delicious Thai coconut curry. MMMM very yummy. Day 7
Zip-lining day!!!! We woke up that morning and walked across the parking lot to get to our zip line tour; our instructors were Albert and Brandon. There were several other people already out there with their harnesses and helmets on. I went to go get all set up and the only helmet they had left said Brah, I was really sad because I didn’t want a boy hat so Albert went and got me a different one that said cupcake, Lindsey’s said honey and Austin’s said bushman. We then got into our green convertible and went driving up to the mountains where they used to grow macadamia nuts and had sugar farms. It was a bumpy ride through the mountains but was so incredibly fun! When we got up to the base we started our journey through the rain forest. There were a total of 8 lines. The first line we did was to teach us how to steer ourselves down the course. It was easy for me if you start spinning in one direction all you had to do was to turn in to the spin and you would straighten back out. I absolutely LOVED zip lining! When we got to the second line I completely let go of the control line and just let myself fly through God’s amazing jungle. I did that through the rest of the as much as I could, only grabbing onto the line so that I could adjust my view, or if I was taking a video. Zipping through the canopy felt so wonderful and freeing. You all probably don’t know this but I have lots of dreams where I have the ability to glide/fly above the land. When I wake up from those dreams I feel so at peace. I hope that when I get to heaven God will give me wings so that I can really experience the gift of flight. It was so great to get a completely different view of the forest, seeing it from a bird’s eye view. It was very difficult to take all in because we went so fast. I don’t think any of the lines we went on lasted more than 45 seconds. The very last one was the longest and fastest line, on one side you could see a waterfall and the other side you could see the ocean and Maui, it went so fast and it was hard to take in both sights but luckily I had a video camera with me and recorded what I saw so that I could be reminded of that fun day. I haven’t seen the video yet but I hope it turned out well. It took us about 3 hours to go through the lines with a stop in between to rest up and get some food and water into us before we continued. We were really sad when we had to head back to the camp, if I could have I would have stayed there all day long!!! Albert and Brandon were great zip guides they helped make it so much fun. While we were driving back Albert picked a hibiscus flower and gave it to one of the ladies on the tour. After the tour was over we had to go back to Hilo so that we could catch our flight back to Oahu. Nothing too excited happened on the plane ride back. Myself and Lindsey read and we got hit on by the steward, he gave us his number and told us to text him later, we didn’t though. He just stood there talking to us while we were descending, I’m pretty sure he didn’t sit down until less than 5 minutes before the plane actually landed.

Day 8
I woke up this morning earlier than everyone else so I just took some quiet time to read God’s word and thank him for giving us such an amazing trip and allowing us to do and see all the things we did. When Austin and Lindsey were finally ready we went to Waikiki beach and while I laid out in the sun they went surfing. I had been out in the sun about 20 minutes and I started feeling miserable. I found myself a shaded region and laid there but didn’t get to feeling any better. I had been drinking plenty of water but I just didn’t have the necessary electrolytes. So when Austin and Lindsey got back they took me to one of the hotels that had an on call doctor. It was going to cost $130 to see them so I told Austin get me a Gatorade and something salty and I will be fine. So I sat inside the cool hotel and ate the food that Austin had gone and bought for me and I felt so much better. We then spent a lot of time in the international market to find presents for friends and family and myself. That evening we had dinner with Austin’s parents. They had made a home cooked meal for us of ribs and sweet and sour chicken. They live right on the water and there are Samoan crabs that live in the cove, after we got done with our ribs we were suppose to throw the bone beyond their pool and gate into the water. It was so great getting to meet and get to know his parents during our vacation. They are such wonderful people!
Sadly dinner was over and it was time to head back to the airport L. It was a 6 and a half hour direct overnight flight into Denver. Lindsey was able to sleep for the majority of it however I probably only got 2 hours of sleep.
All in all Hawaii was so gorgeous and I had a great time. There were some problems here and there but in the end most of them got worked out. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to go and explore another part of the world that God created.

Moving

As soon as I got home I started packing and cleaning. I also had to run around to try to find something for Kristen’s bachelorette’s shower that evening. Her shower was a lot of fun but I had to get home to continue packing and cleaning because I had people coming to help me move the next day. I stayed up until 2 in the morning and woke up at 11 the next morning and started packing up my car. People got there at 2:30 and we got all my stuff moved into my new place. I then spent the rest of the day unpacking and got the majority of it done. I have one box full left to unpack. It’s been difficult because in the process of moving my desk broke and so the stuff that had been on that had to be relocated leaving some other random things homeless. Hopefully I can find someone who could fix it for me or I’ll have to buy a new desk.

God is bigger than the boogie man

There have been several times this week when I was so excited about what God was doing in my life and yet now as I am reflecting on this past week I know there are several things I am forgetting about. O how quickly we forget and how fleeting is our life.

I got to celebrate the 4th of July twice this past week. Sunday was rainy but we still had a bbq at the Funk's house anyway. We ended up watching the fireworks from the Wells' house and it was absolutely amazing!! We got to see several different shows across the horizon it was so beautiful. The next day some friends and I went down to Loveland to watch their show because they had canceled it the previous day. As much as I loved seeing several shows simultaneously the day before I was really excited to be able to be close to them and hear the boom. From what I hear Estes par has some pretty spectacular fireworks along with an amazing sound because of the echoing off the mountains. Hopefully some day I will get to experience it!

I got to go to a Rockies game against the Cardinals with my sister and Cherelle. I love watching sporting events but I especially love them when there is a comeback from one of the teams I don't really care who! The Rockies were down 6 points (9-3 Cardinals) at the 9th inning (people had been leaving since the 5th inning) and the Rockies ended up scoring 9 points that inning to win the game!!!!!! It was so awesome. Word to the wise... NEVER leave a game early you never know what is going to happen!!!

I got to wear my favorite outfit this week in the proper conditions... shorts and a hoodie in the rain!!! It was awesome!!! I love it when it is slightly drizzling and there is a slight breeze in the air just cool enough to need a hoodie but warm enough to still be in shorts. In Arkansas after the rain I used to love going to a park and standing under a tree shaking off the rain from the leaves. Or going out with friends to just play in the rain, imprompto frisbee games in the rain were the best. I will be able to do those again very soon! I can't wait for my body to not have to recover from chemo every month. I didn't see a rainbow but I'm still reminded of the fact that everytime there is a rainbow in the sky God remembers the covenant He made with us (Gen 9:12-17).

I got to talk to our college ministry intern's wife today (who also happens to be a friend of mine) and I am really excited for the things that they are going to try to set up this next year!! Please pray for these people and the ministries they are going to be setting up out here and for them to reach out and touch the hearts of those they come in contact with. I know they will not be doing it alone because there are several people out here, myself included, that are ready and willing to help but it still can be a daunting task to take on. But noting is too big for our God to handle!!

I love veggie tales! My lil sis and I got into a veggie tale song mood the other day and so did a couple of my friends and I when fellowshiping after service this morning... God is bigger than the boogie man He's bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on TV etc.. :D

I could really use some prayers over the next several months and especially for the next couple of weeks specifically for me to have some good time management skills along with the energy to do it. I am trying to get some experiments done at work before I leave for Hawaii on Thursday. It's not that hard to run the experiments just takes time. I am also trying to get a good portion of my packing done before I leave for Hawaii since Kristen and I are moving out to new places she's going to be living with a boy once her and Josh get married in September and I'm getting two new roomates whom I am so excited to be able to live with. After I get back from Hawaii I will be on chemo again (round 11, next to the last round :D) I will also be working on my preliminary defense to finish my second year qualifications, it's not yet scheduled and I need to get several different experiments in before I do it. I also will be teaching my high school again once a week and have some new lessons to prepare. And please pray that I won't stress out about these things because I have a tendency to get shingles when my body is under a lot of stress.

Mid chemo week

Sunday we had Bible study at the park. It was so pretty and nice outside. It was a great time worship, o how I love being outdoors and singing praises to our magnificant Father. Jascha then led a discussion on not allowing self to be our idols. After the lesson me and a few friends played sand volleyball!!!! I did not over do it, I did not jump or run or dive.

I decided to go ahead and go to work this week. I did take it easy though. My job is not very physically draining. I starting preparing a new set of electrodes so I can start characterizing them this week. It felt great to be working!!!! I was just sitting there and I had this amazing euphoric feeling running through my veins and was loving every minute of it. Felt great to be able to do something besides sit around and read or watch movies.

I found some really cheap tickets to go to Boston over my brithday weekend. Called my bestie that lives up there and told her about it and mentioned the Broadway musical Wicked and she had just bought herself and her husband a ticket to go see it. Later that evening I got a message from her saying I bought you a ticket go buy the plane ticket!!! So I'm now going to Boston for my birthday!!! Can't wait to get to see Christine and hopefully Rachel too!

Have had some delivery problems at home. Finally got my perscription on Wednesday they had to hand deliver it to me this week because they had put it on the wrong truck. Recieved one of my pairs of shorts from buckle but somehow the other is lost in transit :( I know they came by my house because a friend sent me a 6 lb bag of gummy bears the day the second pair was suppose to arrive. So a tracer was put on the shorts now, I hope I get them soon!

Hung out with my future roomie Friday night! It was tons of fun! We saw the movie Killers it was funny, you should go check it out. There are a couple of curse words and some killing (not as much as one might think for a movie named killers). But overall it was a cute movie.

Chemo hasn't been that bad this week so far, I actually have had some form of an appetite!

Couple of things that are bringing joy into my life:
Loving that I'm loving that pandora is playing Sister Hazel while I'm writing this
Hey hey Have you ever danced in the rain Or thanked the sun Just for shining- just for shining Or the sea?
Wearing one of my favorite outfits ever, shorts with a sweatshirt
James 1:2-6

Well I'm off to dance my house clean!

In recovery

I believe I forgot to mention that my friends Wanda and Stacey and their two little boys came to visit too while I was in the hospital.

So after Laura left after staying with me my first night being home after surgery my mom was able to come up. It was really great having her here and getting to spend some quality time with her, even though I wasn't up to doing much.

Her last day here we were just chilling reading Psalms and the idea came to us of visiting Laura down in CO Springs, so we called her and told her we were coming. She tried to convince us we shouldn't but we insisted. So we spend Saturday afternoon running errands with her and then spent the night and went to church with her in Monument. Mom had to leave that Sunday evening so we said our goodbyes.

I saw my doctors on Wednesday. Jana, Kayla, and Caitlyn came down with me. My doctor wants me to continue to take it easy for another two weeks :( but I'm trying to spend some of that time taking it easy preparing for orals. On our drive down Caitlyn asked if she could take out my staples and I told her I would let her as long as it was okay with my doctor but I gave her a forewarning that if it hurt I was going to hit her. When my doctor asked me if I had anymore questions I asked him if Caits could do it and he was more than happy to let her. She did such a great job! I didn't have to hit her! I felt extra special because Colin (my doctor) told me that he and Dr. Lillihei miss seeing me and told me to tell them when my next appointment was with Dr. Dameck and they would do their best to stop by and say hi!! My doctors are awesome!!!

Met with Dr. Dameck also, she had a new resident with her, his first rotation ever, and I was his first patient. I tried to be nice. His name was Zoran and he was from Chezchoslovakia and was nervous. Poor guy, he did great though! Dr. said my labs look fine and to start my chemo whenever I get it. Which is a problem. They got it called into the pharmacy on Thursday but the pharmacy is not cooperating and although I have called several times they still hadn't gotten my perscription filled... I'm not happy about it. I won't be able to talk to anyone until Monday and I need to start it by Wednesday at the latest!

This week there was a marriage matters seminar at church and so I, although single, went to it. It wasn't just about marriage, they talked about having a servant heart, parenting, communication along with several other things. It taught me a lot about myself along with my parents. A little piece of information I learned is that your personality and core beliefs are pretty much set by the time you are 7, can you believe that?! We've just barely begun to live life at that age?!

I won't go into detail about the seminar but will leave you with some quotes from it for you all to consider:

• It's not the perfection of our life that matters but the direction
• Anything that God makes good satan can make bad :(
• Realize that God may have more than you dream for your life
• Stop looking at the event that caused hurt in your life, start looking THROUGH it to the potential blessing
• There is forgiveness for ALL THINGS for ALL PEOPLE
• Even sinners were comfortable in the presence of Christ
• The greatest legacy you can leave for your children is your faith and your love for your spouse
• When talking about ones personality Not right, not wrong, just different
• Find your deepest pain and turn it into God's glory
• When a young couple gets married it is as if her mother marries his father
• The only thing you can control is your response
• Just because it is realistic in the real world does not mean that it is realistic in your marriage
• The greatest courage in life is to find out who our true selves are
• Be kind to EVERYONE that you meet because everyone of them is fighting their own personal battle in some way
• God will not create a relationship that would compete with our relationship with Him
• Hope that your children are better parents than you are... allowing them to follow the strengths and correct the weaknesses
• Fight for your marriage because no one else will

Hope you all take these to heart.

Psalms 57:10 O how great the love of our eteranal Father is!! How far away are His heavens? That is how much his love for us is! His love is beyond our comprehension!!!

To God be ALL the glory for I can do nothing without Him and I am nothing without Him.

About my hospital visit and since I've been home

If anyone ever has any brain issues they need surgery for I highly recommend Dr. Lillihei!!! He is fantastic and is one of the best neurosurgeons in the world!

So Friday morning Karen took me to Denver for my surgery, when we were trying to find out way to pre-op the woman at the front desk wass listening to a gospel preacher on the radio and she was so sweet and so fun! I told her that Dr. Lillihei was my doctor and she just went off on how fantastic he was and that our heavenly Father was even better. What an encouragement right befor my surgery!

I got all checked in and started having the whole round of nurses and doctors come in to get me all ready for surgery. Dr. Lillihei came in and was telling me about the procesdure and I asked if he could do something about my head bumb, he was more than happy to take care of it for me! From what I hear surgeons love having any excuse to cut things open. They allowed me to keep my glasses so I was actually able to look at the surgery room, funny thing is I was out so soon after that that I hardly remember much of it anyway.

Soon I was waking up in the post op room with lots of buzzing going on around me and my nurse came up to me and I immediately recognized her and she me, she was the nurse I had after my second surgery with Dr. Lillehei!!!! I was so happy and excited to get to see her again she was one of the best nurses I had ever had, so Jean thank you so much for all that you do!! (Since I know you have my blog address and we will be keeping up with each other :D) I really appreciate you, your spirit and joy that you bring to all your patients!

The nurses I had after that were also pretty awesome so thank you very much to Kimberly, Michelle and Erin!!!

Thanks also to Kalla, Carlos and Laura who came and visited me at the hospital. My flowers did end up getting confiscated for a couple of days but I was able to still bring them home with me. So word of advice for future ICU patients/visitors don't bring flowers until after you have been moved out of the ICU.

There is not much to do at the hospital so I played on my phone a lot and read my bible on my phone! I love having my phone bible so handy and so lightweight. Although I did bring my regular bible and my 90 days with Jesus book with me so I could keep up on that which I did and it was the starter of some conversation with the nurses. Hopefully I was able to bless their life in Him.

Sunday morning I finally decided to put in my contacts and to my displeasure I noticed that my shingles had come back :( The nurse had the neurologist come in and he wrote me out a prescription. I got it taken care of pretty soon! No itching or burning so far but still another thing I'm having to take meds for :/

My sister Laura brought me home and has been such an amazing help for me!! Thank you so much for all the cleaning and cooking you did! I probably wouldn't have eaten (or as well) if you hadn't have been here. It was also great getting to see Jana and Kayla and that Kayla is doing so well walking! Also the brownies they made me were so yummy!

My pain is definately getting better and my sensations are going back to normal. I'm also working my way off my pain killers. My head never hurt that much but my abs were sore for several days but It's getting much easier for me to move around. It feels really weird to have the shunt in, I can feel it and if you look closely you can even see the little bump in my skin. It's uncomfortable for now but I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. The staples in my head are slightly bothersome too :/

The doctor said no heavy lifting for 2 weeks and then most likely no core work for about 4 weeks which is going to put me right at the beginning of my and Lindsey's trip to Hawaii... so needless to say no six pack abs for me :( At least I'm actually going to be able to go still!

Proverbs 3:5-6 I am so thankful that God has brought me to and through all of this. I know without a doubt that he placed me here in Colorado for so many reasons. He knew that I was going to be going through this and he wanted me to have the top neurosurgeon for it. He wanted me to work for Chuck because of how understanding he has been along with all the other faculty. He wanted me to go to Meadowlark for all of the support they have given me in so many ways I can't even beging to count and if I can't even begin to count those blessings over the course of 3 years how much more immeasurable are the blessings that God has given me over those years and all the ones before and the ones still to come?! I am so thankful for His love and devotion and healing that He has given me. He has never left my side or been away from me He has carried me through it all! He has been my strength and my fortress through it all I do not have the strength to endure all this but my loving Father is powerful and mighty and can handle anything! He is personal knowing even the number of hairs on my head He knew me before He formed me in the womb and He knew the plans He had for me. He knew that I would be faithful to Him through all this and that I would be able to influence lives and have others influence my life. Thank you for giving me this struggle to go through and please help me to continue to glorify you.

Thank you Lord for all that you are!

Surgery tomorrow!!

Tomorrow's the day! I'm so excited to be having this done! Maybe I'm weird but I am so excited for the new scars. I'm a little nervous about the magnetic thing in my head that I can control. I work near some pretty strong magnets, but they shouldn't throw it off... I'll have to make sure to ask them about that...

I'm hoping that this is the last surgery that I will have to have for all of this. I'm feeling so much better right now and with this surgery it should stay that way! I know that anything can happen at anytime and new things can occur but hopefully no more freaking out about this.

I've also been thinking and yes this is a bold statement, but God has brought me through so much I feel like I am going to be able to serve Him more being alive than if I was with Him in heaven. I'm excited to someday spend eternity with Him but I feel like He has so much more planned for me. I know that I will worry if something new comes up but I am going to try my best not to worry about it and just fully trust in Him.

Psalms 34:1 I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips

No matter what happens I will always praise Him!

Got a 24-48 hour stay at the hospital so no updates for a couple of days but I will be back with an update on how things went!