In recovery

I believe I forgot to mention that my friends Wanda and Stacey and their two little boys came to visit too while I was in the hospital.

So after Laura left after staying with me my first night being home after surgery my mom was able to come up. It was really great having her here and getting to spend some quality time with her, even though I wasn't up to doing much.

Her last day here we were just chilling reading Psalms and the idea came to us of visiting Laura down in CO Springs, so we called her and told her we were coming. She tried to convince us we shouldn't but we insisted. So we spend Saturday afternoon running errands with her and then spent the night and went to church with her in Monument. Mom had to leave that Sunday evening so we said our goodbyes.

I saw my doctors on Wednesday. Jana, Kayla, and Caitlyn came down with me. My doctor wants me to continue to take it easy for another two weeks :( but I'm trying to spend some of that time taking it easy preparing for orals. On our drive down Caitlyn asked if she could take out my staples and I told her I would let her as long as it was okay with my doctor but I gave her a forewarning that if it hurt I was going to hit her. When my doctor asked me if I had anymore questions I asked him if Caits could do it and he was more than happy to let her. She did such a great job! I didn't have to hit her! I felt extra special because Colin (my doctor) told me that he and Dr. Lillihei miss seeing me and told me to tell them when my next appointment was with Dr. Dameck and they would do their best to stop by and say hi!! My doctors are awesome!!!

Met with Dr. Dameck also, she had a new resident with her, his first rotation ever, and I was his first patient. I tried to be nice. His name was Zoran and he was from Chezchoslovakia and was nervous. Poor guy, he did great though! Dr. said my labs look fine and to start my chemo whenever I get it. Which is a problem. They got it called into the pharmacy on Thursday but the pharmacy is not cooperating and although I have called several times they still hadn't gotten my perscription filled... I'm not happy about it. I won't be able to talk to anyone until Monday and I need to start it by Wednesday at the latest!

This week there was a marriage matters seminar at church and so I, although single, went to it. It wasn't just about marriage, they talked about having a servant heart, parenting, communication along with several other things. It taught me a lot about myself along with my parents. A little piece of information I learned is that your personality and core beliefs are pretty much set by the time you are 7, can you believe that?! We've just barely begun to live life at that age?!

I won't go into detail about the seminar but will leave you with some quotes from it for you all to consider:

• It's not the perfection of our life that matters but the direction
• Anything that God makes good satan can make bad :(
• Realize that God may have more than you dream for your life
• Stop looking at the event that caused hurt in your life, start looking THROUGH it to the potential blessing
• There is forgiveness for ALL THINGS for ALL PEOPLE
• Even sinners were comfortable in the presence of Christ
• The greatest legacy you can leave for your children is your faith and your love for your spouse
• When talking about ones personality Not right, not wrong, just different
• Find your deepest pain and turn it into God's glory
• When a young couple gets married it is as if her mother marries his father
• The only thing you can control is your response
• Just because it is realistic in the real world does not mean that it is realistic in your marriage
• The greatest courage in life is to find out who our true selves are
• Be kind to EVERYONE that you meet because everyone of them is fighting their own personal battle in some way
• God will not create a relationship that would compete with our relationship with Him
• Hope that your children are better parents than you are... allowing them to follow the strengths and correct the weaknesses
• Fight for your marriage because no one else will

Hope you all take these to heart.

Psalms 57:10 O how great the love of our eteranal Father is!! How far away are His heavens? That is how much his love for us is! His love is beyond our comprehension!!!

To God be ALL the glory for I can do nothing without Him and I am nothing without Him.

About my hospital visit and since I've been home

If anyone ever has any brain issues they need surgery for I highly recommend Dr. Lillihei!!! He is fantastic and is one of the best neurosurgeons in the world!

So Friday morning Karen took me to Denver for my surgery, when we were trying to find out way to pre-op the woman at the front desk wass listening to a gospel preacher on the radio and she was so sweet and so fun! I told her that Dr. Lillihei was my doctor and she just went off on how fantastic he was and that our heavenly Father was even better. What an encouragement right befor my surgery!

I got all checked in and started having the whole round of nurses and doctors come in to get me all ready for surgery. Dr. Lillihei came in and was telling me about the procesdure and I asked if he could do something about my head bumb, he was more than happy to take care of it for me! From what I hear surgeons love having any excuse to cut things open. They allowed me to keep my glasses so I was actually able to look at the surgery room, funny thing is I was out so soon after that that I hardly remember much of it anyway.

Soon I was waking up in the post op room with lots of buzzing going on around me and my nurse came up to me and I immediately recognized her and she me, she was the nurse I had after my second surgery with Dr. Lillehei!!!! I was so happy and excited to get to see her again she was one of the best nurses I had ever had, so Jean thank you so much for all that you do!! (Since I know you have my blog address and we will be keeping up with each other :D) I really appreciate you, your spirit and joy that you bring to all your patients!

The nurses I had after that were also pretty awesome so thank you very much to Kimberly, Michelle and Erin!!!

Thanks also to Kalla, Carlos and Laura who came and visited me at the hospital. My flowers did end up getting confiscated for a couple of days but I was able to still bring them home with me. So word of advice for future ICU patients/visitors don't bring flowers until after you have been moved out of the ICU.

There is not much to do at the hospital so I played on my phone a lot and read my bible on my phone! I love having my phone bible so handy and so lightweight. Although I did bring my regular bible and my 90 days with Jesus book with me so I could keep up on that which I did and it was the starter of some conversation with the nurses. Hopefully I was able to bless their life in Him.

Sunday morning I finally decided to put in my contacts and to my displeasure I noticed that my shingles had come back :( The nurse had the neurologist come in and he wrote me out a prescription. I got it taken care of pretty soon! No itching or burning so far but still another thing I'm having to take meds for :/

My sister Laura brought me home and has been such an amazing help for me!! Thank you so much for all the cleaning and cooking you did! I probably wouldn't have eaten (or as well) if you hadn't have been here. It was also great getting to see Jana and Kayla and that Kayla is doing so well walking! Also the brownies they made me were so yummy!

My pain is definately getting better and my sensations are going back to normal. I'm also working my way off my pain killers. My head never hurt that much but my abs were sore for several days but It's getting much easier for me to move around. It feels really weird to have the shunt in, I can feel it and if you look closely you can even see the little bump in my skin. It's uncomfortable for now but I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. The staples in my head are slightly bothersome too :/

The doctor said no heavy lifting for 2 weeks and then most likely no core work for about 4 weeks which is going to put me right at the beginning of my and Lindsey's trip to Hawaii... so needless to say no six pack abs for me :( At least I'm actually going to be able to go still!

Proverbs 3:5-6 I am so thankful that God has brought me to and through all of this. I know without a doubt that he placed me here in Colorado for so many reasons. He knew that I was going to be going through this and he wanted me to have the top neurosurgeon for it. He wanted me to work for Chuck because of how understanding he has been along with all the other faculty. He wanted me to go to Meadowlark for all of the support they have given me in so many ways I can't even beging to count and if I can't even begin to count those blessings over the course of 3 years how much more immeasurable are the blessings that God has given me over those years and all the ones before and the ones still to come?! I am so thankful for His love and devotion and healing that He has given me. He has never left my side or been away from me He has carried me through it all! He has been my strength and my fortress through it all I do not have the strength to endure all this but my loving Father is powerful and mighty and can handle anything! He is personal knowing even the number of hairs on my head He knew me before He formed me in the womb and He knew the plans He had for me. He knew that I would be faithful to Him through all this and that I would be able to influence lives and have others influence my life. Thank you for giving me this struggle to go through and please help me to continue to glorify you.

Thank you Lord for all that you are!

Surgery tomorrow!!

Tomorrow's the day! I'm so excited to be having this done! Maybe I'm weird but I am so excited for the new scars. I'm a little nervous about the magnetic thing in my head that I can control. I work near some pretty strong magnets, but they shouldn't throw it off... I'll have to make sure to ask them about that...

I'm hoping that this is the last surgery that I will have to have for all of this. I'm feeling so much better right now and with this surgery it should stay that way! I know that anything can happen at anytime and new things can occur but hopefully no more freaking out about this.

I've also been thinking and yes this is a bold statement, but God has brought me through so much I feel like I am going to be able to serve Him more being alive than if I was with Him in heaven. I'm excited to someday spend eternity with Him but I feel like He has so much more planned for me. I know that I will worry if something new comes up but I am going to try my best not to worry about it and just fully trust in Him.

Psalms 34:1 I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips

No matter what happens I will always praise Him!

Got a 24-48 hour stay at the hospital so no updates for a couple of days but I will be back with an update on how things went!

O Happy Day!!

First of all I want to say thank you thank you thank you to all of you who stopped by or called and talked to me and encouraged me and prayed for me. It really meant a lot to me!!!! Thank you so much! I love you guys!!!

I got the results of my MRI today and as for the previous cancer, it looks fantastic!!! They even said that it looks even better than before! Things are actually still getting smaller and some aren't even there anymore!

But....

Looks like I have hydrocephalus which is a buildup of fluid in my brain and spinal cord which was causing pressure which has been causing all the problems I have been having. This can in my opinion easily fixed and I even got a quick fix today. They had to do a lumbar puncture and they tested the pressure before and after removing some of the fluid (30 mL worth). The pressure started at 25 and then went down to 9 after the fluid had been removed. However the next thing that needs to be done is to have a shunt that will drain the excess fluid from my brain into my stomach. This is all going to happen soon, Dr. Lillihei called me this evening and was still up for having my surgery on Friday!!! Crzay soon!

Now for more

It was so weird praying to God for something else to be the problem instead of it being cancer I did not want it to be cancer, did not! And it wasn't cancer and what it was seems so much less bad!! After I had the lumbar puncture and they removed the excess fluid I felt so INCREDIBLY better I just wanted to jump for joy... maybe tomorrow... we'll let the numness wear off...

Psalms 28:6-7 Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield;my heart trusts in Him and Iam helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.

The blogging begins

I am starting a blog, which I've been thinking about doing for over two years now and I'm finally getting to it. To all of you who really know me know the story of what I've been going through over the last couple of years struggling with cancer. In brief I have undergone two surgeries, 3 months of radiation, and chemotheraphy off and on since april of 2009. Which I am completely ready to be done with!!

Psalms 6:2 Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord heal me, for my bones are in agony.

What's been going on the past couple of weeks:
I haven't been feeling well and my body hates me. I've been having extreme back pain along with headaches, ear problems along with occassional vomiting. Yeah, not fun at all! Mostly I have been laying down watching movies and attempting to write a paper for my preliminary defense of my research. I'm starting to get the typing laying down thing down, but the reading hasn't been the easist. But I am making slow progress, but at least it is progress!!
As for my emotional state of being, I'm struggling and am having a hard time dealing with the pain. The pain is very similar to the pain that I had before they found the lesion in my lumbar spine so I'm nervous and scared of what the pain could implicate (the cancer has returnee). I had a MRI on Sunday morning and I meet with my oncologist on Wednesday.
It's been hard but I'm trying to maintain hope in the Lord and that he knows my heart and my desires. I know that He is the great physician and can heal me. I've been reading psalms and that has been helping. David was not afraid to tell the Lord how he was feeling whether sad or angry or joyous, he also made some very bold requests of Him. No matter what was going on in His life he knew that God was in control of it and that God was with him through it all.
I am also struggling with the fact that I haven't been able to feel like myself or be able to act like myself (the joyous out going extremely active person that I used to be). I hope that soon my mourning will be turned into dancing and that my sorrow witll turn to joy.