Getting back into a “regular life is hard. I feel as if I am never enough. I can’t spend enough time at work, I can't spend enough time reading or studying my bible. I can’t spend enough time with my family and friends. I can't spend enough time to get my body back into a "healthy shape" meaning I need to gain weight hopefully in the form of muscle. I can't get organized enough, I always seem to be loosing something on a daily basis. This gets very very frustrating! My brain is not good at adjusting to rapidly changing situations. I can't get enough of my errands done. My thoughts are just filled with I can't I can't I can't. I feel guilty when I do "fun things" instead of others. I feel like I am going to be disappointing someone. And maybe I am but I think it's more that I am disappointing myself because my expectations are too high at this present moment.
I remember being told by some of my professors at Harding that I need to learn how to say no sometimes. I told them I did know how to say it in an indirect way, "I can't do it now but I can do it later." I was the chemistry department go to girl. And honestly I don't think I use the word no very often unless it is in regard to my research which happens to be looking at the release of nitric oxide aka NO.
I just am really struggling to find a balance in all of this.
Although it is tough sometimes I do know that God is with me helping me trudge the path to climb this uphill mountain to see the beautiful things that lay ahead if I continue to persevere and trust in him in all situations at all times.
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